My Next Step

Cover by Terra Weston

Tough blog to write! Maybe it's because I am publicly admitting a certain level of defeat. I have made a decision. I'm going to look for another publisher for my next two books. 

The truth is, I hate self-publishing and I never wanted it. People keep telling me "It's the way to go. The independance is great!" Not for me it isn't. I don't know what I'm doing. I had hoped I would eventually get the hang of it after a couple of years but I haven't.

"You have all the control." I don't WANT all the control! I just want to write books! I don't know anything about advertising or marketing, and I'm too shy and Canadian to push my product on people.  I hate jumping through links and grinding through procedures that will allow me to publish my work. I've discovered there are still limits. Especially if you don't know all the rules.

Oh, and did I mention that everything I learned about computers in high school is obsolete? I know I'm not alone in that regard, but unlike many of my other fellow authors, I cannot just jump in and learn. I was born without ANY actual patience, and would prefer to be shown how to do it. Preferably with alcohol or caffeine and a good friend beside me. And quickly please, I have things to do. With writers being solitary by nature makes this a rarity. Oh yeah....and I don't want to learn it. Just writing this paragraph makes me feel petulant, as though I am being childish and demanding, but it's true. I wish I didn't have to do any of it.

I have recently realized that I procrastinate on doing anything relating to self publishing, and I don't procrastinate on anything if I can help it. But these days, I can't get anything done. I had to analyze why I would aggravate myself by deliberately avoiding something. Why am I procrastinating when I would rather tackle the toughest parts first? Because when I log into Createspace, I am immediately irritated and snarling outloud. I can't focus and I can't breathe. I don't want to be there. So...this is what anxiety means.

I'm not saying that I won't be self-publishing anymore. In many cases, it's necessary. I think Her True Name: Volume Two will be a hard sell due to it's open-ended series status, it's novella size and its historical/reincarnation/romance/mythology based plots, but I have to try.

Found this meme on CJ Rutherford's page after I wrote the first draft of this blog.

This revelation came because I'm learning to slow down. Usually everything is a race with me. I'm always in such a hurry. It's as if I'm terrified that my time will run out before I'm finished what it is that I need to do in this life. I've figured out that if I DON'T slow down, my time might get shorter. I wanted to be a successful writer with at least a dozen titles and at least a few best sellers by now. I'm a bit behind schedule. When I realized that I hated self-publishing and I recognized the anxiety it gives me, I thought about just giving it all up. THEN I thought, "Why am I pushing myself to the point where I'd rather give up than pursue what I love?"

And this one a few hours later. Thanks creepy Facebook algorithms. 

So I'm going to give myself some space. At the end, I might be successful, I might not be. But it's not going to happen overnight. I have to stop living my life in fast-forward, and expecting to find a finish line with the next sunrise. Everything I do today, this blog, my books, my social media--is building a long career, not a one hit wonder. Just writing this out makes me feel better about the future. I'm glad I told you.

So, YES! I'm writing more books! I just might take a little longer to get them to you. Stick with me. I'll make it worth the wait. Wish me luck!

Earth to Thoeba: What's New, India?

Earth to Thoeba: What's New, India?: Image from: Quora Sometimes I think about this blog, and realize I haven't written here in ages. But what do I write about? Do I hav...

What's New, India?

Image from: Quora

Sometimes I think about this blog, and realize I haven't written here in ages. But what do I write about? Do I have anything new to say?

Well, I'd like to tell you that I'm working on the third installment for Her True Name: Volume Three. It's set in the Indus Valley, and involves the goddesses Kali and Sita.

For the first time in years, I'm pantsing it, with barely much of an outline. I googled Indian baby names, and my humans are named Mahin, (The Earth) and Druhi, (Daughter). Which I thought appropriate, as Sita is an earthly goddess, and she'll be very involved in their lives. The choice of names is already shaping the story. By the way, they are runaways, victims of the caste system.

The thing with pantsing, is one just writes and watches where the story takes them. Already, I have to go back to research. What do they eat? What kind of weapons do they have? What does Sita look like? Don't worry...These are good questions, and I'm looking forward to learning the answers. These are also things that will help me create.

For example, did you know the Indus Valley has deserts, swamps, floodlands and forests? I've discovered that in the time of 2600 BCE, the Indus Valley had two major trade centers named Harappa and Mohendjo-Daro, and the cities were advanced enough to have sewage systems.

You know what else is interesting? You know how your computer knows creepy things about you and what you're looking at? How the algorithms watch your browser history? Facebook has been sending me new Indian music, and it's AWESOME.

Ever hear of Bloodywood? Indian metal music? Check this out--Ari Ari Bloodywood Now if THAT doesn't me inspire, nothing will.

But there's more! How about Indian music with bagpipes? Scotland meets Punjabi music This stuff makes me giddy, and excited to write, so I had to share it with you.

I'm hoping to have Volume Two out by the end of the year, but I'm also happy that I'm writing the third one as well. This is how I'll get there. By the seat of my pantsing, and with a little help from refreshing new music from India. Check out the links and enjoy!