Thursday, November 25, 2010


     I am impressed. You humans are only using about ten percent of your brains and the vast majority of you have no ability to read each others thoughts or experience each others feelings. Yet you have technologically advanced well enough to write and speak to each other across the entire planet.

     The Energy told me you were a resourceful species, and It was correct. In fact, if it wasn't for your various forms of communication, my mission would not have been what it was.
     I am old enough to remember how excited our kind was when Alexander Graham Bell made it possible for you to speak to each other directly across vast distances. If he could see you all now. What would he say if he knew his modest little telephone would lead to the internet? Or to cell phones, with millions of people carrying telephones around like pocket watches?
     Your kind, in these generations have the ability to speak to people in other countries within minutes. Can you not use them to discuss your vast differences?

     I have no doubt your species will strive to do more with your technology. Indeed, it would not surprise me if you learned to hard-wire your precious cell phones and computers to your head. Wouldn't it be interesting if you could program empathy?

*photo by xedos4 at

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Drawn to cartoons

     It was a quiet Saturday morning. All quiet in the house. Not a creature was stirring. So I turned on the TV, and found a cartoon mouse! You people seems to have a thing for cartoon mice. There's Mickey, and Jerry, Pinky and the Brain...Itch. Or is it Scratchy? Oh and don't forget the Biker Mice from Mars! (I've met biker mice-and they don't come from Mars and they're not as buff.)

     I knew I liked television-It's fascinating what you can get out of such a small box-but until I discovered cartoons, I had not quite grasped the true joy of sitting glued to one spot and staring mindlessly at a screen full of  scripted images. In fact, these manufactured images are really funny before I've had my first coffee, but they're even funnier after about nine cups.

     I like them all! Even the one with the coyote and the roadrunner even though every episode features absurd situations that would never happen in real life. I didn't spend a lot of time on your planet previously, but I can assure you I've never seen a coyote building rockets. And I'm positive that if you throw one off a cliff, it will not get up and walk away-nor will it sound like an accordian.

     I REALLY like the superhero ones! The ones with brightly colored costumes that fly through the air? Makes me wish I'd worn tights and a cape when I could still fly. Come to think of it, I saved people, I saved the world. Where's MY cartoon?

Friday, November 12, 2010

Plain cave-speak

This post was post-phoned for one day out of respect for Rememberance day.

     It is of great interest to me how your language has changed over the centuries. I expected eventually your species would eventually learn to clarify what you said when you realized 'Ugg' didn't get your point across.

     I even expected it when your kind moved away from Latin and Hebrew and created your own languages, such as Cantonese, Italian and English.

     What I didn't really expect, is how you would learn how to mangle your own speech patterns and twist words around to mean entirely different things. Remember when something 'fantastic' meant something truly horrifying-like demons? Now it means something that is really interesting, or 'cool'. (Don't get me started on THAT word.) Truth be told, some of the things you humans find fantastic horrify me anyway-like fast cars and scary movies.

     What about 'outrageous'? When I see old Grammy footage from the eighties I asked myself why getting an award so offended Lionel Ritchie. And why was he smiling? Sigh.

     And you are still doing it-even when you are on your computers. You are skipping steps as you go. What about LOL and BTW. Are you too lazy to type 'By the Way'? The faster your lives get, the shorter and more abrupt your speech becomes.

     I suspect it won't be long until your kind goes back to saying things like 'Ugg.'

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Java Script

OMGgzzIlovecoffee! IjustdiscoveredTimHortonsandStarbucksandSecondCupandtassimo. Didyouknowyoucangetcoffeeindifferentflavors? Withhazelnutandvanilla? Andyoucanputstuffinitlikesugarandcreamandandsweetwhitestuffontop?
thesoundbarrierwhileI'matit. EverywhereIlookIseeallkindsofshopsdedicated
homeaswell! Andyoucandrinkitinrestaurantsinplainsightofeveryonewithout
givemewillIeversleepagaininthislifetime?ItslikeapowerfuldrugandIthinkIcandoanything! Icanflyagain! Moohoohaha! Howcomenooneelseisfreakingout? AmItheonlyonehighonthisstuff? Isitaddictive? IthinkI'maddicted. AmIbeingparanoid? Areyoupeoplesurethisstuffislegal?