Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Oh, they're going back?

Yes! They're going back! Huzzah! No more booger-bearing elves underfoot. No more screeching miniatures ruining a trip to the park. The halflings with their texting and slang will no longer haunt the malls. They'll all be locked up during the day and adults will once again take over the world!

Sigh...It's so quiet.

Thursday, August 25, 2011


y human writer has introduced me to a new ritual called 'The Tupperware Party". Apparently she's decided to sell it. When I ask why, she says writers don't make much money. Who knew?
Here's how it went. She passes around a plastic bowl full of plastic gadgets. Everyone takes one and squeals in delight. She then shows them how to prepare chips and salsa using a plastic machine that doesn't use electricity, and she puts it all in plastic bowls. Everyone says things like 'ooh' and 'ahhh.' They drink jello shooters from plastic shot glasses and pass around plastic bowls and sandwich keepers. More interesting noises. Everyone orders some, and guess how they pay? You guessed it. Plastic.
You people have come a long way from clay urns and metal coins.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Humans on the, Fringe

Some humans work. Some have hobbies. Others wrap themselves in plastic wrap and time how long it takes them to get out.
Thus, I attended my first Fringe festival in Edmonton. What is wrong with these people? I saw one woman who sprayed herself with silver paint and posed to Lady Gaga songs. Another did aerobatics with long ribbons suspended from a rickety contraption high in the air. Worse yet, another man jabbed meathooks into his face.
This passes for entertainment on your planet?
And what possesses a person to do this for small change? How does one decide to evolve into a weirdo? Why do I want to watch?
That's it. It's official. I am now as crazy as the rest of you. Maybe I'll take up hang gliding to fit in and learn to fly again. Apparently risking my life and limb is no stranger than SOME people's pastimes.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Why do they call it a bookworm?

I think I understand that term now. A good book is worth devouring. You would think after nearly a year on this planet, and having my own story put to computer and paper that I would have discovered the all-consuming passion of reading.
It amazes me how you humans can find the time in your bustling, busy lives with your cell phones, computers and vehicles to sit and peruse a handful of typewritten pages.
But it truly is relaxing to bite into a bundle of pages filled with worlds you dream up.
My species doesn't do that. I suppose it's because we've BEEN to the worlds to think you've created and our lives and memories are long. Glad to know you still remember your travels as otherworldy beings. It's refreshing to view your writings from a mortal perspective.

photo by : dan

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Mosquitos suck!

I am sure we are all wonder why the Energy created the mosquito. I wish I knew!! Why would a benevolent, loving entity create a blood-sucking miniature version of a demonic vampire?
Summers are not short enough without the torment of itchy bites and incessant whining in our ears?
They will eat at you and your children! They will interrupt your sleep with their irritating hum. You will itch, you will bitch-LOUDLY!
Is this what the Energy wants?
Perhaps so. This might be the only way you will go back to civilization and raise your seedlings.

Photo by: Christian Meyn/FreeDigitalPhotos.Net