What happened to the loincloth?

     I've been watching your species for a long time. I've watched you wear nothing but fur to keep yourselves warm, and metal to protect yourselves in battle. Centuries pass, cultures evolve and clothing serves different functions.

     So where was I when you people developed 'fashion'? Since my arrival here I've been bombarded with names, labels, and styles in various shapes and colors. I can't believe how you humans took a practical thing like clothing and turned it into 'a statement'! I thought a statement was a verbal thing, not a piece of cloth!

     You still wear metal, but now it's decorative, and you call it jewelry or accessories. (Though I'll admit, it's pretty and shiny, and I'm addicted to owning as much of it as I can)
    
And is there really a difference between things like a brazilian bikini and a thong? Neither one covers your bum.

     Personally, I'd rather be naked, but apparently I can be arrested for that. What if I cover my behind with an orange hankerchief? Can I call that fashion?

New kid on the globe

Interesting place you have here....

My name is Thoeba, and I come to you from Eden.

I'll be the first to admit I haven't spent a lot of time in your realm before. I used to think your species was not unlike a ball of angry monkeys playing with matches. You made me nervous, you humans. But now that I've spent more time with your kind, I've learned a lot about you.

 About your different foods, cultures, sports, fashions and belief systems. Fascinating. Did I mention the food? And there's so many different kinds of everything! All packed onto one tiny planet. And your thirst for knowledge and new ideas grows by leaps and bounds! Your technological advances mark you as an ambitious and impatient bunch, but I like it. It's exciting and new for me.

There are so many new things to discover here. I haven't had an adventure like this for decades, and I look forward to sharing them with you each week.