Dedicated

Photo by Julia Hollman

If you read my last blog, you'll know that 'Chasing Monsters' will be coming out soon. Hopefully before the year is out. You'll also notice I dedicated it to the memory of a man named Gary Larsen. I've lost track of how many times I've written and re-written that dedication. There actually is something harder to write than a synopsis.

When Gary asked to be in the novel, no one could have guessed he'd be gone two months later. It was a horrible shock. I remember Ehren calling me out of the blue, and I was a little surprised to hear from him. He didn't usually call that early in the day. I asked how it was going, and he said, "Been better."

When he told me, I couldn't believe it. I remember screaming "Oh my God!" several times before I gave in to the tears. I was writing at the time, and tried to continue after the phone call, but I couldn't concentrate. I dropped everything and drove to Ehren and Julia's house, where a bunch of us sat around hugging, shaking our heads in disbelief, crying and trading stories about Gary.

I'm not just frustrated because of the dedication I'm writing.

I'm upset with myself, because I know that 'Joey Bekker', Gary's character, evolved beyond his personality, and any of his friends who reads it will recognize him, but will notice...it's not really Gary. I wonder what he would think of the transformation I gave him.

The Gary we knew was a sweet, soft spoken man Danish man who emigrated to Canada with his parents when he was a boy. He had a parakeet he adored, and all animals loved him. He was rarely seen without an energy drink, and he liked to hang outside with the smokers, even though he didn't smoke. He just liked to listen and be part of the conversation. His favorite band was Deep Purple. He had a fart app on his phone. He was a devoted paranormal investigator and enthusiast.

I met him in Meatcutting class at NAIT, January 2000, where we teased him about how such a small guy could eat so much. He was maybe 5'2, but wolfed food like starved quarterback. The day before our class toured the Lilydale chicken plant I dreamed that I entrusted my lunch to Gary, and he ate it. Tried to tell me around a mouthful of Subway sandwich that he didn't know what happened to my Turkey Bacon Sub. When I shared that dream, everyone around us nodded and said, "Yep. That's Gary. Why would anyone trust Gary to guard food?'

And after the tour was over, Lilydale gave us a variety of chicken wings to sample. Apparently Gary was the first NAIT Meatcutter student, in the history of the trade school, to ask if he could bring the leftovers home. He was probably still hungry.

I wanted Gary's character to be special. I wanted Joey Bekker to live longer and louder than Gary could. I wanted Gary's character to be BIG-- Fearless. I wanted Joey Bekker to live where Gary had not.  I guess that's why 'Joey Bekker' doesn't seem much like Gary anymore, but I'm still glad I did it.

We gave Gary a memorial. It was all he got. Gary's parents predeceased him, and he had no siblings, so he was cremated with permission from relatives from Denmark. We'd offered to pay for a real funeral, but God only knows what that funeral home did with his ashes. I'm still really pissed over that.

That's why this dedication and this novel are so important. Gary led a subdued life, and got the bum's rush into the afterlife. He was a good man who deserved more. Now I can finally give him something for the world to remember he was here.

People come into your life for a reason. Sometimes I wonder if Gary came into my life specifically because I needed to understand the full impact of losing a friend to death. Maybe he was here to make sure Chasing Monsters got written and published. Because I promised him.

I'm sorry if I rambled. I'm sorry if I bored you, but I understand now why I needed to write this blog. I needed to write it because no matter what those little sentences say in the beginning of 'Chasing Monsters', they'll never tell you enough about how I feel right now--How the tears still burn behind my eyes years later.

Still Chasing

Chasing Monsters will be dedicated to the memory of this man.

I should tell you now. CHASING MONSTERS is going to happen. I am currently going through it for maybe the...fifth time (?) before I hand it over to Heather Savage of Staccato Publishing for editing and formatting. I still need to get an ISBN code and a cover artist, so I can't be sure WHEN it's coming out.

Sorry it's taking so long...When you're self-published you have to think about COST$. It's your problem when you're self-published, and if you follow this blog at all, you'll know I've had a trying year or two.

But there is a strange advantage to the wait. I haven't actually looked at CHASING MONSTERS in over a year. Which means I can be objective. And I can see aaaaaaaallll the flaws. Thank GOD I didn't put it out as soon as the beta readers were finished with it!

Shout out and apologies to my fellow Staccato family member David Fingerman, the horror writer. (By the way, if you love unpredictable horror? Try "Two Degrees Closer to Hell. Brilliant and fresh. David Fingerman-Closer to Hell) I'm actually embarrassed that I gave him that last version. It must have been a tremendous CHORE for him to slog through, but he gave me the honesty I craved.

I remember taking a lot of his advice to heart, as it was great, but I felt he just didn't like so much of it. Well, NO WONDER!!

The original CHASING MONSTERS reads like a 'Young Adult', which is a genre for teens. NOT my intention. Apparently, I wrote like a goof for a year. I'm not saying YA is goofy, I'm saying I made my characters sound too light hearted and casual for a novel with so much sex and violence in it. Oh, and Noelle sounded a lot like some eighties valley girl. "Omicrap".  (Groan)

I'd like to put CHASING MONSTERS out by the end of the year, but I hate making promises. I can promise I'll try hard to get it done by Christmas. I'll let you know <3

Oh shit...There are dedications, acknowledgments and a back cover to write. Wish me luck!

Slave to the Furballs

It's NOT  a shrine. It's a recently started collection.

A good friend once told me that when he dies, he wants to be reincarnated as one of my cats. Of course I laughed. He's just as obsessed with his cats as I am. And every bit as much of a mush as me.

But Spartacus Jones has got me thinking...Am I a Cat-Mom? Or a Cat-Slave?

When we got Freya, we knew we were being manipulated. She made it very clear to us that she didn't want to be in that alcove with the other cats, and that she wanted to come with us. She purred, she nuzzled and gave us sad eyes when we almost left. She was a determined kitty, and she's had us both under her paw ever since.

She has her own favorite spots, her favorite foods, foods she WON'T eat--which must be replaced with something different, specific places to eat and specific cuddling preferences. She's like Hitgirl. She never plays.

I thought she was just a particularly smart and strange cat, and we were gullible because she was our first kitty.

Freya is also perfect. And this is her favoritespot.

Spartacus Jones isn't as smart as Freya, but I think I've underestimated him.  He was SUPPOSED to go to the Humane Society when we found him. Then he made a sneaky, adorable bid to stay that completely suckered us (Mostly me) into keeping him.

Now I wake up between 4:30 to 5:30 a.m. every morning. That's when Spartacus Jones swats lovingly at my nose until I get up and feed him the wet stuff. (Oh--and I alternate the flavors of the wet food--so their palates don't get bored.)  If I don't? He pokes at  Freya. Who, as I mentioned, never plays. Swats to the nose? Or constant hissing and growling from Hitcat? If I shut him outside the room? He cries like he's starving to death. There's dry food, Sweetie. Can't you just eat the fucking kibble?

He's decided he likes brushing. A lot. Every time I walk past the table, he jumps on it, and lounges suggestively. Brush me. Brush me! BRUSH ME MEOW!

Hi Babieeee!

I've decided all his demands on my time are for meditation purposes. When he demands that I brush him, I do it, and he rewards me with purrs and cute faces, and gives me  direction on where to brush him next. When he tries to lure me downstairs for his own prefered cuddle time, (That's his territory) I tell myself it's not so cold, and there's not that many spiders and capitulate. I mean, he's just so sweet. Plus I can get some laundry done, right?

When did this happen? How did I come to this? A weird woman (Okay, I was always weird--BUT) who baby-talks and caters to the whims of CATS? Sigh...I am a cat slave after all.

Here's a photo of our late boy, Sully. This is the face that destroyed the rule of 'no cats on the table'.I couldn't resist him. Sigh...

Miffed but in Denial

Yeah...I think that's how I feel. I should probably be more miffed, but I'm sure the denial helps with that.

It seems that a certain publishing titan is removing reviews based on the fact that the author 'knows' the review writer. Sounds silly, doesn't it?

I mean, isn't that the point of networking? To reach your readers, bloggers and other authors? Isn't that the reason we do blog tours and create author pages? To get people to buy our books, read them, and write reviews? Incidentally, here's a link to my author page: Donna Milward, Author

It's actually been going on for some time, but I've been reluctant to comment on it, because I don't want to bite the hand that feeds me.

It doesn't make any sense. Writers work hard to connect to people in order to entice them to buy our books. I am still a firm believer that if a reader likes an author as a person, they will like their work. So they like your page in order to connect back, and writers are being punished for it? Maybe we're supposed to wall ourselves off from humanity in order to write MORE?  Are they willing to do ALL our marketing for us? Most writers never even talk to all the people who follow them on social media. We're talking hundreds and sometimes thousands of people here!

I'm in denial, because I honestly believe this idea won't stand, and will soon be abandoned. If this titan uses algorithms to remove all reviews, then eventually there will be precious few reviews left for any author. And that's bad business. It's also about control, and that's a little scary. It's anti-community.

I think we should hold our ground. Write those reviews, and let our feelings about removed reviews be known. And you don't just have to review books on their site either. There's always blogs, Twitter, Facebook and Goodreads. Leave the titan in the darkness of Tartarus if it wants to be stubborn.

I'm going to go about my business as usual. I'm going to write, blog, and write reviews. I will support my fellow authors when I can, and talk to my readers. I'm miffed, but I'm hoping this will all blow over eventually.

Apologies to my Readers

Cover by: Anima Black

Dear Readers. I should be promoting this novella, but I'm sort of avoiding you. The reason is...I feel kind of bad.

Yes, 'Her True Name:Volume One' is available for purchase, but...There is an issue concerning formatting.

It started with a conversation between Sage and the Energy in the prologue. The original version has the Energy speaking  in a stunning Papyrus font, and that's what created the problem.

You see, Createspace doesn't accept any font other than Times New Roman. So it just ignored the font, and replaced it with Times New Roman. I've been trying to fix it since.

Yes, I am aware that I can 'embed' the font, but no, I'm not smart enough to do it. It may as well be math, because that's what it looks like to me..

You know what irritates me? In highschool I had a 92% average in computers. I had a decent grade in typing too. Flash forward a decade or so without using either, and here we are. Everything I learned in highschool computer class is utterly obsolete. I type with two fingers, and I require hands-on help to do the simplest task on my computer. I even needed help to start this blog years ago. Did you know I can't even take a screen shot? I have to pay Heather Savage to do my formatting, because I can't do that either.

I'm digressing. Anyway, my point is, I've made several attempts to fix the problem, but I think I'm making it worse. My novella looks like it was written by a hack. Okay, maybe not that bad, but that's what it feels like. If you'd read any of my stuff, you know I can write! Right?

My big fear is that readers will check out the first chapter of an otherwise decently written novella and say, "Oh for God's sake! This woman can't write! Look at the errors!" Ugh...I'm so sorry.

But I've learned many valuable lessons from my first messy stab at self-publishing. Painful ones that will stick with me a loooong time, so please bear with me. I've still got more books in me--Like Volume Two of this series, and 'Elaina's Fate', which bring me pleasure to compose. I'm hoping to get 'Chasing Monsters' out next, time and finances willing.

If you hang with me, I promise to give you villains to hate, characters to love, and adventures in mythology and reincarnation.

And someday, I will laaaaaugh at this. Thanks for reading <3

Dare to Publish TWICE!

Cover art by: Anima Black

Hey! Hope you all had a Happy Canada Day!

So...I did this thing since the last time I posted. I published 'Her True Name: Volume One'. Sorry I didn't tell everyone sooner, but I've been waiting for something ELSE to go wrong. (Thank you Heather Savage and Kathy Steinemann for your endless patience.) It didn't, so here we are...HER TRUE NAME: VOLUME ONE Finally!!

As you will notice, it's e-book only in the U.S. That's because it's only twenty-five thousand words. Hardly worth printing. Also, it's a series, and since I don't really know how many installments there will be, I can't expect readers to buy them all at an escalated print-out price. After all, it starts in ancient Egypt and ends this century.

The bad news, is that it's ONLY available through Amazon. The good news is that's because  I signed up for Kindle Unlimited. Think of it as Netflix for books. You pay one price, and you can read as many books as you like for the month! That means my other novels and any others signed up for KU. I also signed up to Amazon's terms because they'll take care of a lot of marketing and promotions for me. You know...The stuff I HATE doing? We'll see how this goes. Right now, I'm just really relieved things are going well. Oh, and if you don't want to sign up for Kindle Unlimited, my novella is still available to all. You might wish to wait until Amazon puts it on special.

CORRECTIONAL NOTE: Yes, this book is available in Canada through amazon.ca. Sorry, I should have mentioned that. I think it's international as well.

Would you like an excerpt? I hope you like it.

     Salvia swallowed her trepidation and forced herself to calm. She was never good at hiding her emotions, but she would have to learn if he was to come to her home every day. She picked at the folds of her garment, trying to present herself as tidy as possible. She wore white. Her jewelry marked her importance as lady of the house, with her hair up, bejeweled in gold scarabs. He would respect her importance.

     “Mistress?”

     Salvia stood straighter. “Yes?”

     Her servant lowered her eyes as she entered the room. “The scholar has arrived.”

     Salvia nodded. “Bring him to me.” Her stomach dropped the moment her maid turned her back. Why did her knees shake? What was wrong with her?

     Too quickly the servant returned with Theophrastus, and Salvia found herself gifted with amazement.

     His clothing was washed and white, no longer dusted with memories of his long journey and in good repair. His hands were clean and his head shaved. His demeanor suggested supplication she hadn’t expected.

     She caught her breath at the sight of him, remembering his naked torso glistening in the moonlight, how his song touched her now racing heart. It was unlike her to feel this way. It excited and mortified her.

     “Mistress Salvia,” He was smiling at her. She didn’t trust it. “I am pleased to be in your presence, and I look forward to teaching your children.” Awkward silence ensued, even after the servant excused herself from the room.  He sighed and tried again to elicit conversation. “You were only a child when I left for the city. Did you know it was I who delivered you? I was a few years younger than your age at the time.”

     “I am aware of that.” Salvia couldn’t bring herself to let her guard down. He was only being contrite because her husband hired him. His pleasantries were meaningless.

     Theophrastus dropped his gaze to the ground. “I must apologize,” he said, and Salvia felt her anger lifting. He was full of surprises today. “I should not have placed judgement on you. Femi told me of your generosity and kindness. As an educated man, I should know better than to form opinions based on appearances. I ask for forgiveness.” 

     The gods must be playing with her. Where did this sudden change of heart come from? Worse still she knew she would relent.

I'd also like to tell you Volume Two will take place in Uppsala, Sweden, in the time of the Funnel-beakers. I hope to have that one out next year, barring any other 'glitches'. Enjoy!

Dare to Publish

I finally got my own copies of 'Dare to Shine', and I'm SO PROUD. Oh, and check out the new dye job. I'll be putting the black back on the ends too.

Things are looking up around here. I'm still working pretty much full time. Hours are dwindling, as usual during summer, but for once I'm not panicking.

My troll has more work, and we're doing alright. He doesn't even need to leave the city for it either, much to our relief. It's business as usual, and things are pretty much normal.

Even the writing thing is going well. I'm proud to announce that both 'Thoeba' and 'Aphrodite's War' are now published under my own name via Createspace and Amazon. I have signed them both up for Kindle Unlimited, because there are some very distinct advantages for doing so both for myself and readers. Don't worry...if it turns out to be a bad thing, I can back out. But to me, it looks like a pretty fair shake.

Best of all? 'Her True Name: Volume One" is another step closer to making it to market.

Cover by: Anima Black

I've fixed the tax issue, which was more complicated than it needed to be, but at least it's over. The issue is now a formatting glitch. Unfortunately, it was my fault it happened, but I need help to fix it. That means dragging Heather Savage of Staccato Publishing away from important stuff to get it done. She's doing her best, but she's a very busy woman. Sorry Heather...And I'm sorry to my readers too. I'm hoping this will be the last time this will be so damned complicated. I'm hoping that after we fix this little problem, it will be a matter of a few quick clicks.

It is my hope that from there, we can finally find the time and money to put out 'Chasing Monsters'. I know I've been saying that for a couple of years now, but life got in the way. I'm hoping that this will finally be MY year to get my work out there. Wish me luck.

In the meantime, I implore you to get your own copy of "Dare to Shine." ONE HUNDRED percent of sales go to The Sophie Lancaster Foundation, and it's a cause I'm proud to be a part of.