Reasons to Hate Self-Publishing and How to Fix Them

Check the cover size before you publish.

With traditional publishers locking their gates against new talent, self-publishing has become more popular than ever before. I'm writing this blog in the interest of turning my embarrassment into something useful for independent authors such as myself, or maybe you're just curious. I don't have all the answers, just the few I found in my latest misadventure.

First and foremost. I despise numbers. I don't just hate math. I abhor it with every nerve in my grinding, sensitive teeth. I don't have dyscalculia (Number dyslexia) so much as I have a mental block brought on by a vicious grade two teacher who used physical violence and humiliation to help her students learn better.  I'm sharing this because it might explain why I react to large numbers with hyperventilation, panic and sometimes rage. It might also explain how I made some unfortunate mistakes.

Mistake #1 I chose the wrong cover size. Createspace offers several options in both inches and centimeters. The SMART thing to do, when in doubt, would have been to check previously published novels to compare. I don't really understand inches, but the centimeter numbers were too large. I panicked, and I chose the 8.5x11, because I knew that was about as large as a page, in my mind. I actually needed 5.5x8.5.

Createspace warned me. They told me my formatted manuscript didn't fit my 8.5x11  cover and I still didn't clue in. I had Heather Savage reformat the file. Createspace begrudgingly accepted it, sending me a passive aggressive message about how they 'fixed' the files for me to meet their requirements. Everything else was fine, so I placed my order for print books.

It wasn't until the books arrived that I realized my mistake. Too late. Since these books are Print on Demand, that means they were custom printed for my order alone. No refunds. So now I'm stuck with eighteen paperback novellas the size of a children's coloring book. Did I mention that I accidently ordered double because I didn't think the order went through the first time?

The bright side: Because they are Print on Demand, there's only eighteen of them. Could you imagine a warehouse full of those?

The solutions: I offer them as 'Special Editions', because they're still cool looking, and they're going to be extremely rare when I pull them off the shelf. I call Createspace and speak with a human. The worst is confirmed. Since there is an ISBN attached to that particular edition, I have to START OVER. New file, new ISBN code, etcetera.

No need to change the cover. Whew!

Here is when being Canadian comes in handy. ISBN codes are free in Canada. All they require is that you keep them appraised of your publishing dates and when you sell a certain amount you must send copies to their archives. They give you these codes with the promise you'll pay your taxes on the profits.

I logged in and marked Her True Name: Volume Two as 'Cancelled'. Then I reapplied for an ISBN for Her True Name: Volume II and marked it as 'Forthcoming'. It worked.
During this time, Createspace had sent several notices that they would become amazon/KDP, and if I didn't move all my files over, they would be moved for me. So I went ahead and moved my previous novels over, intending to start HTN:V2 with amazon. How different could it be?

The cover file didn't fit. Createspace had demanded a PDF file, then they demanded a PDF file below 32 MB. Emma did a great job of adapting, switching to a PDf at 1000 pixels without compromising the integrity of the cover, but KDP didn't want it. The result looked like a postage stamp centered at the bottom of the page.

Fortunate happenstance. Before that happened, I had sent KDP an email because in addition to my ISBN number, KDP required a number that proved I PAID for it. Um...A quick google search told me to just re-enter my Canadian ISBN, and it will be recognized. Whew!

Just then, my phone rang. It's KDP with the answer to the ISBN. Do I have anything else I need help with? HELL YEAH, since you're here...

KDP customer service is far superior to Createspace. She put me in touch with a cover designer. He went into my file, and got me to send Emma's cover to his KDP address, where he changed it to a JPEG file. (After all that fuss to make it a PDF...) Then he walked me through Cover Creator. This took over 45 minutes and he stayed on the line the entire time. <3

Ugh... I was mad. Why am I doing all this? THIS is what I pay other people for! I don't even WANT to learn this! I just want to write the damned books! What's all this other crap on my cover? Heather Savage, my editor, is right. Sometimes you have to learn things you don't want to, for growth. It exercises your brain. To be honest, I'm glad I did it. And to that KDP rep? I'm sorry for swearing so much. I know I explained I wasn't mad at you, I was just mad, but I hope you didn't take offense. It really was a s simple as you said it was. I downloaded Emma's JPEG cover, and removed the excess titles, fonts and additional texts with a few clicks, and it was my book cover once again.

So I send the new changes for review, confident that everything is fine and I'm done.

More mistakes? I check my email a couple of days later to see if I'm back on the shelves, and I am greeted by another message from KDP. It basically says, "We can't publish your book. The pages are in the wrong order." WHAT?! How is that even possible from a digital file?! The email came with several suggestions and links, and it also suggested I check the trim, counting my pages and calculating them against this OVERWHELMING number that was about 38 digits long and it included a decimal point and AUUUUGGGHHH!

My editor is in Italy. So I vent to my cover artist Emma Hibbs. Besides being great with art, Emma is also a fantastic writer herself with her own experiences in self-publishing and she has an idea. She needs to go into my file and possibly reformat.

I love you EMMA!!

The solution was simple. They wanted the page numbers on the LEFT side of the odd numbered pages, and page numbers on the RIGHT of the even pages. Page one needs the number on the left, page two requires the page number on the right, etc. That's all they wanted. And Thank God for Emma, and her sweet, calming demeanor. <3

Now Her True Name: Volume II is back on the amazon shelf. You can find it here: Her True Name: Volume Two

If I haven't bored you yet, you must be a writer, and I hope this gives you some insight. This was a learning experience for me, one I hope I'll never repeat. I've also learned to calm down and look for the solutions before I panic. Numbers still suck, but maybe I'll get through this next time without undue freaking out.

Oh...and sharing this blog counts as another entry to the contest. Thanks for indulging me.

OOPS.....Adventures in Self-Publishing

It took me a long time to write this blog because it's humiliating. This is the part where I tell you NOT to buy my book yet. Because if you're expecting a paperback, you might be surprised. Here's why...

Bit of a size difference...

You see, when I began the process of publishing Her True Name: Volume Two, I accidently checked off the wrong size. Createspace told me that my text didn't quite fit with my chosen cover size, but gave me no way to go back and change what cover size I had. I decided to move forward, and fix it later. Guess what? I forgot to look into it and fix it.

I have to call Createspace, and find out how to change this and hope that I don't need to start over. I have to pull this version of Her True name off the Amazon shelf. I have eighteen of these.  I don't think I can return them, as they are 'Print on Demand'.

So here's the thing. I'm still giving them as prizes. They are the wrong size, but they are still beautiful. I'm going to call them a "Special Edition". When I'm famous, these will be collector's items, as they will be in incredibly short supply.  Less than two dozen.

I've calmed down. Someday I will laugh at this, but right now I'm dying of embarrassment. I'm letting you all know because if you do not one one of my 'Special Editions', you might want to drop out of the contest. I will definitely keep you informed of when the proper sized copies are out on my social media.

I'll have a new blog to share for the contest tomorrow, so stay tuned.

My Next Step

Cover by Terra Weston

Tough blog to write! Maybe it's because I am publicly admitting a certain level of defeat. I have made a decision. I'm going to look for another publisher for my next two books. 

The truth is, I hate self-publishing and I never wanted it. People keep telling me "It's the way to go. The independance is great!" Not for me it isn't. I don't know what I'm doing. I had hoped I would eventually get the hang of it after a couple of years but I haven't.

"You have all the control." I don't WANT all the control! I just want to write books! I don't know anything about advertising or marketing, and I'm too shy and Canadian to push my product on people.  I hate jumping through links and grinding through procedures that will allow me to publish my work. I've discovered there are still limits. Especially if you don't know all the rules.

Oh, and did I mention that everything I learned about computers in high school is obsolete? I know I'm not alone in that regard, but unlike many of my other fellow authors, I cannot just jump in and learn. I was born without ANY actual patience, and would prefer to be shown how to do it. Preferably with alcohol or caffeine and a good friend beside me. And quickly please, I have things to do. With writers being solitary by nature makes this a rarity. Oh yeah....and I don't want to learn it. Just writing this paragraph makes me feel petulant, as though I am being childish and demanding, but it's true. I wish I didn't have to do any of it.

I have recently realized that I procrastinate on doing anything relating to self publishing, and I don't procrastinate on anything if I can help it. But these days, I can't get anything done. I had to analyze why I would aggravate myself by deliberately avoiding something. Why am I procrastinating when I would rather tackle the toughest parts first? Because when I log into Createspace, I am immediately irritated and snarling outloud. I can't focus and I can't breathe. I don't want to be there. So...this is what anxiety means.

I'm not saying that I won't be self-publishing anymore. In many cases, it's necessary. I think Her True Name: Volume Two will be a hard sell due to it's open-ended series status, it's novella size and its historical/reincarnation/romance/mythology based plots, but I have to try.

Found this meme on CJ Rutherford's page after I wrote the first draft of this blog.

This revelation came because I'm learning to slow down. Usually everything is a race with me. I'm always in such a hurry. It's as if I'm terrified that my time will run out before I'm finished what it is that I need to do in this life. I've figured out that if I DON'T slow down, my time might get shorter. I wanted to be a successful writer with at least a dozen titles and at least a few best sellers by now. I'm a bit behind schedule. When I realized that I hated self-publishing and I recognized the anxiety it gives me, I thought about just giving it all up. THEN I thought, "Why am I pushing myself to the point where I'd rather give up than pursue what I love?"

And this one a few hours later. Thanks creepy Facebook algorithms. 

So I'm going to give myself some space. At the end, I might be successful, I might not be. But it's not going to happen overnight. I have to stop living my life in fast-forward, and expecting to find a finish line with the next sunrise. Everything I do today, this blog, my books, my social media--is building a long career, not a one hit wonder. Just writing this out makes me feel better about the future. I'm glad I told you.

So, YES! I'm writing more books! I just might take a little longer to get them to you. Stick with me. I'll make it worth the wait. Wish me luck!

Apologies to my Readers

Cover by: Anima Black

Dear Readers. I should be promoting this novella, but I'm sort of avoiding you. The reason is...I feel kind of bad.

Yes, 'Her True Name:Volume One' is available for purchase, but...There is an issue concerning formatting.

It started with a conversation between Sage and the Energy in the prologue. The original version has the Energy speaking  in a stunning Papyrus font, and that's what created the problem.

You see, Createspace doesn't accept any font other than Times New Roman. So it just ignored the font, and replaced it with Times New Roman. I've been trying to fix it since.

Yes, I am aware that I can 'embed' the font, but no, I'm not smart enough to do it. It may as well be math, because that's what it looks like to me..

You know what irritates me? In highschool I had a 92% average in computers. I had a decent grade in typing too. Flash forward a decade or so without using either, and here we are. Everything I learned in highschool computer class is utterly obsolete. I type with two fingers, and I require hands-on help to do the simplest task on my computer. I even needed help to start this blog years ago. Did you know I can't even take a screen shot? I have to pay Heather Savage to do my formatting, because I can't do that either.

I'm digressing. Anyway, my point is, I've made several attempts to fix the problem, but I think I'm making it worse. My novella looks like it was written by a hack. Okay, maybe not that bad, but that's what it feels like. If you'd read any of my stuff, you know I can write! Right?

My big fear is that readers will check out the first chapter of an otherwise decently written novella and say, "Oh for God's sake! This woman can't write! Look at the errors!" Ugh...I'm so sorry.

But I've learned many valuable lessons from my first messy stab at self-publishing. Painful ones that will stick with me a loooong time, so please bear with me. I've still got more books in me--Like Volume Two of this series, and 'Elaina's Fate', which bring me pleasure to compose. I'm hoping to get 'Chasing Monsters' out next, time and finances willing.

If you hang with me, I promise to give you villains to hate, characters to love, and adventures in mythology and reincarnation.

And someday, I will laaaaaugh at this. Thanks for reading <3

Dare to Publish

I finally got my own copies of 'Dare to Shine', and I'm SO PROUD. Oh, and check out the new dye job. I'll be putting the black back on the ends too.

Things are looking up around here. I'm still working pretty much full time. Hours are dwindling, as usual during summer, but for once I'm not panicking.

My troll has more work, and we're doing alright. He doesn't even need to leave the city for it either, much to our relief. It's business as usual, and things are pretty much normal.

Even the writing thing is going well. I'm proud to announce that both 'Thoeba' and 'Aphrodite's War' are now published under my own name via Createspace and Amazon. I have signed them both up for Kindle Unlimited, because there are some very distinct advantages for doing so both for myself and readers. Don't worry...if it turns out to be a bad thing, I can back out. But to me, it looks like a pretty fair shake.

Best of all? 'Her True Name: Volume One" is another step closer to making it to market.

Cover by: Anima Black

I've fixed the tax issue, which was more complicated than it needed to be, but at least it's over. The issue is now a formatting glitch. Unfortunately, it was my fault it happened, but I need help to fix it. That means dragging Heather Savage of Staccato Publishing away from important stuff to get it done. She's doing her best, but she's a very busy woman. Sorry Heather...And I'm sorry to my readers too. I'm hoping this will be the last time this will be so damned complicated. I'm hoping that after we fix this little problem, it will be a matter of a few quick clicks.

It is my hope that from there, we can finally find the time and money to put out 'Chasing Monsters'. I know I've been saying that for a couple of years now, but life got in the way. I'm hoping that this will finally be MY year to get my work out there. Wish me luck.

In the meantime, I implore you to get your own copy of "Dare to Shine." ONE HUNDRED percent of sales go to The Sophie Lancaster Foundation, and it's a cause I'm proud to be a part of.

At Last. Progress. (New Cover Release)

Cover by Anima Black.

First, I must apologize. This has been a real adventure, trying to self-publish my new novella, but I'm getting there. I finally have something to show you. TA-DA!!! New book cover!!

The novella is called HER TRUE NAME: VOLUME ONE, and yes, it's going to be series. My first! It is edited by Heather Savage of Staccato Publishing, and the cover is done by Anima Black.

Publishing date? Uncertain, but certainly sometime this month. I hope!

I'm doing this through Createspace, and will have information about it's availability soon. Sorry to say, I only plan to publish it as an e-book. It's only 25,000 words, so it doesn't look feasible to publish it in paper form.

If anyone has questions, I'll be happy to answer them as best I can. In the meantime... Here is the back blurb. (Thanks Heather Savage for helping me write it.) And wish me luck!

When Virtus dies in a demon attack, Sage defies the Energy and goes in search of his soul. She finds him on Earth, and sacrifices her immortality to join him. She will pursue him through every human incarnation, each lifetime, until they can return home to Eden, together.

Finding each other is only the beginning. Theophrastus is a scholar and healer, come back to the village where he was raised. Salvia married a merchant, her greatest joy her three young boys. When Apophis, god of chaos, meddles in the affairs of humans no one is safe. Will they find love again? Or is survival their greater obstacle?"

The Elusive Joy.

She videotaped my wedding for me.

This is the first year I've dreaded New Year's Eve. DREADED it. I couldn't even look at Facebook. It was plastered with bright colors and sentimental drivel about wishes and opportunities and other things I knew weren't coming my way since I'm gearing up for what feels like the hardest year of my life.

Husband still isn't working. Work hours drying up. Bank account shrinking. Impending need to publish, even though I may or may not make a single cent off my work. If I can even figure out all the computer stuff I have to do to get there.

My favorite uncle came to visit, and I tried to make light of it. I don't want to worry him. He's a bit of a hero to me. When I think of my mortgage, I remember him telling me about the years he had to pay 17 percent interest on HIS mortgage. "How the hell did you manage?!" I asked. He shrugged, and said, "We did what we had to do."

We did what we had to do.

When I told him how I was worried about paying my mortgage, at a measly three percent, and that it's half my wage, he assured me, "You'll figure it out." He sounds so confident. After all, I'm his niece. I come from good stock, and a long line of feminists.

As far back as anyone can remember, we had an ancestor named Suzanna, who left her home in Lapland at seven years of age to get a job rocking a cradle for a rich family in England, so they say.  I think she was my great-great-great grandmother. My great-great-grandma was Ida, wife of Captain Mikkelson. I don't know much about her, but I can imagine being the wife of a sea-capatin meant long months alone with the children. Things they don't tell you until you are an adult: My great-grandmother, Lydia Pajunen gave birth to seven children. My grandmother, her sixth,  was her first child to live past three years of age. (She's now 93) Great-grandpa drank too much, so she took courses to become a successful midwife. My grandmother was married to my grandfather for over 50 years, despite the fact that he didn't believe in looking for work. He thought his reputation should bring work to him. They had four boys to feed, so grandma took on any job she could get, including writing articles for the local newspaper.

I want to surrender. I want to just pack in the writing thing and say fuck it. Usually, I embrace change. It's inevitable. It's the only thing in life you can consider an absolute, along with death. Why am I resisting? Because I'm not ready. I don't have the time, energy or money to embrace it. I don't want to self-publish, and I resent the fact that I have to do it RIGHT. NOW.

So tonight, my best friend Mel took me to a movie with gift cards she got for Christmas. The movie was called 'Joy', starring Jennifer Lawrence. I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

No spoilers, but a synopsis. Ms. Lawrence's character has a complicated family, and a stressful life. Good thing she's a smart cookie. The story drags Joy through hell, over and over, but she doesn't give up. She uses her smarts to invent a mop, and does everything in her power to make her product a success. She's savvy, determined and doesn't sell herself short. She stays true to herself.

I got the message.

I also got to spend time with Mel, a woman I still can't believe is my best friend. If you knew who we were in high school, you would agree that life is strange. I can spend a few hours with her, and she makes the hurts seems comical and handlable. She makes me happy, and she is good to her core. Time with her today made me realize I'm not alone. And that there are OTHER friends in my life I DO appreciate. As long as I have friends like Mel, Colleen, Kathy, Kevin, The Raju's and the Maguires and so many more, I'll be okay. I'll do what I have to do.

I'll be an armadillo. I feel my optimism returning.

Where Have I Been?

Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays! I can't believe it's been a month since my last blog post. Eep. I didn't mean to be so lax. I DO have excuses. Work, writing, (Yes, I have been writing--just not on this blog.) and life with two cats and a troll.

I had to drop my tradition of sending Christmas cards this year. I'm a little sad about that, but it saved me a lot of time and money. I'm going to treat this post as my Christmas letter to everyone.

I'm still working full time. The troll is not. I'm losing weight. My pants fell off at work today. Thank God I was working alone at the time! Spartacus Jones and Freya are fine and still the cutest creatures ever.

But enough about that. Here's my REAL reason for writing....

I'm going to publish a brand new novella in February. Its name is 'HER TRUE NAME: Volume One.'  It will be self-published, and the edits are already done. (Thanks Heather Savage. You did a GREAT job!) It's about 25,000 words. My ISBN is ready to go, and I'll start with a digital version.

I would publish the cover for you to see, but I haven't purchased the iStock photo yet, because I don't know what size I need. My bestie is going to come over and help me design said cover. I need to set up a PayPal account and take care of other details like the description on the back.

My God, am I ever SCARED. But sometimes you have to do things because you're afraid of them. I would rather wrestle with this than waste time and energy trying to find an agent or another publisher. That could take months, even years.

If this works out, I could probably have another full length novel out in 2016 as well. Remember me talking about 'CHASING MONSTERS'? Yeah, that's next. Oy. Wish me luck! Hopefully, I'll have new information soon.

Anyway, I want to wish YOU an awesome season and all the happiness in the world now and in the New Year. MmmmmmWAH!

I am a Fearless Armadillo.

Now you know why writers drink.

When I set out to become a novelist, I honestly had no idea what I was getting into. I figured I would write the books...That's it. I would write the books, and someone else would handle the cover, editors, marketing and money. I would just happily write books.

BWA-HAHAHAHAHA! (Wipes a tear away.)

Just the task of marketing alone must be a testament to the determination of writers everywhere. You know just how serious you are about making it in this business if you are willing to struggle in the futility of finding readers for your hard work.

No, writing is not for the casual dabbler. First you have to write the book. Then you either find an agent and/or a publisher. That requires hours of writing emails for people who often ignore you or frequently reject you. Writers also need the skin of an armadillo. BE the armadillo!

Once you've done that, someone (the editor) will pick apart your work, but it's for your own good, and the good of your work. Be the Armadillo.

Then comes interviews, blogs and reviews, which can be fun...until someone doesn't like you or your work. DON'T piss off a blogger. I had one blogger 'friend' me on Facebook, and send the post she was going to publish. I POLITELY corrected her spelling of 'Thoeba', it's a common mistake for an invented name, and she blasted me, saying it was MY fault she misspelled it because she'd only copied and pasted everything. She went on a Facebook rant about 'disrespectful authors'. She didn't name me, but told all her friends to 'PM' her for details. Ouch. I am an armadillo.

Now I'm finding myself in a place where I've got the goods, but nowhere to put them. I've been looking at self-publishing. I'm a sweating armadillo. Now I have to learn how to format properly and meander around things like 'Createspace'. (Insert panicked laughter here.) I'm barely tech savvy enough to write my own blogs. I've done enough research to know that I will need an expensive editor. My grammar isn't up to snuff, and I doubt my knowledge of legalities is either. Time to toughen up, and open my wallet. Time to learn things and try something I never wanted to do. Sometimes you have to do things BECAUSE you are afraid of them.

I am an armadillo, and I really wish I could curl into a tight little ball right now.

Tiny ferocious Dragon Ball, that's me. RAWR!

Wish me luck.