Time for a New Book

 

Oh my God, it's been so long since I've written in this blog, that I forgot the password for the email address I use here. Sorry everybody....

After the book event, nothing new happened. There was nothing worth writing about. Well, until now. 

Her True Name: Volume Three is crawling toward completion! David Fingerman has it and will begin as soon as he gets the check! Emma Hibbs will be doing the cover art, starting the end of May. 

I can't wait until she's onboard, because finding the cover is going to be tough. Yes, yes, I know how to use stock photo and digital photo sites, that's not the problem. 

The problem is I'm not finding images I can use, and not in colors I want. I might have to abandon my original plans for it, and I need Emma's input. I worry about things like Cultural Appropriation, because as you know, these books take place in other parts of the world with regional gods and appropriate atmosphere, foods, rituals, etcetera.

While I'm here, I have news about the series. Her True Name Volume Three will be the last book. It will be a trilogy after all. No more after this. 

I have several reasons for ending it; hear me out.

The cost, for one. I simply don't have the funds to continue churning out endless books. As you know, I am self-published, so all costs are my own. While my colleagues deserve every cent they get, I'm still not working enough hours to fund what has become a very expensive hobby. 

Which brings me to time. I need to work more hours, and my writing time is taking the hit. I'm still writing-don't worry-but if you thought it took me a long time to finish THIS book....

I haven't even started an outline for another one. Sure I had an idea or two, but nothing that jumped out at me. I'd thought of doing one in China, but my knowledge of Chinese history and mythology sucks. I don't know how I'd make it work in the timeline. It might have a 'white' perspective, and I don't want that. 

Then there's the worry of Cultural Appropriation. I just want to tell stories, and in this case, about reincarnation. I have no wish to disrespect other cultures for my own amusement. Unless I write these books based on white civilizations alone, that will always be a danger. And white civilizations are not the only cool or important ones. Honestly, who would want to read books on reincarnation with such a boring limitation? I've never found white history to be that interesting, so why would I write it? I'd bore myself, never mind the reader, and you must NEVER bore the reader! 

Then there's the ending to this book. It was unexpected, but it feels right. What I'm trying to articulate, is that I hope the reader leaves feeling they are not wistful for another novel. I want them to close the book, understanding why there won't be more. It just happened, but I think it works, and so does David. 

I'm pushing for Her True Name: Three to be out by the end of the year. Honestly, there is no reason why not. Barring unfortunate circumstances, and my terrible computer skills of course. I've got faith in my team. 

I DO have good news. There's another book coming out right behind this one, and it's mostly written already. It's a collection of short stories, blog posts and drabbles. It's a little different from my usual in the fact that it isn't about angels, demons, mythology or reincarnation. It's all about the strange and scary dreams I have. My readers know I get many of my ideas from my dreams, and these are the stories that don't fit into my brand, so they will be completely different. 

My favorite is Bad Clown. It's a short story that could be a dystopian novel, but I wrote it as it played out in my brain. It is one of few dreams I've had that rolled out like an entire movie, and very little of it has changed. There are drabbles like Lightning and Demon that left me with a pounding heart when I awoke, and I can't wait to share them with you. There one story that still has no title about meeting up with a fairy in a bar after my character has a bad date.  

This book has a title, but I'm not ready to share it yet. I love it so much, I'm worried someone will steal it! 

Oh crap....I've just realized that Her True Name: Volume Three is going to need a new back blurb. So while I'm doing that, know that there is more coming from me. I'm still here, and I'm still writing. 

 

Gratitude

Just thoughts about what I am doing right now. I'm taking free online computer courses named Alison. I hate them. They are interesting and useful, but I can't seem to hang on to the knowledge, even the cool new stuff I'm learning. 

My uncle Arnie warned me about this. He just turned eighty in May. He told me the older you get, the harder it is to learn new things. I'm in my early fifties, and I'm already having difficulty retaining whatever I learn. I can't remember anything!

I learned how to insert tables and planned to use them to update my resume, but I can't figue out how to do them again. Fffffuuuuu....

When I was in high school, computer classes were still relatively new. We worked on Macintosh computers like the Lisa II. I remember being impressed that a small town like ours had enough computers for everyone. Whoooooo! We learned basics like DOS. I had an A+ average., like 95% on my report card. 

My family had a Texas Instrument ( Yeah, I'm old.) computer at home and I remember fixing a program of my father's when I noticed it was missing a single bracket. The program was a bouncing ball that you could change the colors of the ball and the background. ( I feel ancient telling you this.) 

I spent much of the early nineties without a computer, and when my boyfriend (Now husband) finally got one, all I had learned was obsolete. When I tell my younger friends, they shrug it off, but for me the loss was profound. 

Shortly after that, I met my critique partners. Dawn comes very much into the picture here. This blog exists solely because of her. She literally talked me through the set up, step by step,  and taught me whatever I needed to know. I had Microsoft Word, and she taught me how to use that too. 

Thanks Dawn. It must have been like teaching a belligerent five year old. I am incredibly grateful. No joke. 

Years later, my computer died, and I bought a new one that did NOT  come with  Microsoft Word. What do I DO?

Hello, Brad! Bradley Trautman is my computer guy. He's the one who introduced me to LibreOffice. I had told him I JUST wanted a word processor. All I wanted to do, was write books. I don't need the bells and whistles and whatever else. Just gimme something to write with that doesn't cost me hundreds of dollars! 

LibreOffice asks for donations, and it does most of the things that Microsoft does, but I've learned that Microsoft is superior in several ways. BUT I asked for a simple word processor, didn't I? Thanks Brad. Because of you, I could complete 'Elaina's Fate', and there is more to come. Seriously, thanks man.

So I decided it was time to get me some education and actually learn more about the computers that dominate our lives so that perhaps I can get better employment. I am of two opinions. Half of me screams, "Change is inevitable! Get with the times!" The other half grumbles, "It isn't broken. Why fix it?" Guess who is being left behind? 

I guess what I'm saying is LEARN everything you can while you're still young. Absorb everything. I think the 'Karen' and 'Kyle' mentality comes from the fear you feel when the world keeps changing and you can't keep up. It's not a good excuse to be rude, but rude people are fearful people. 

Ever see Grand Budapest Hotel? Ralph Fiennes character lectures that rudeness stems from the idea that the person fears they won't get what they want. Fantastic movie, by the way, and that idea stuck with me. It's just fear. Use your words and tell them what is bugging you and why. No need to get nasty. 

I am living my life in gratitude. My current problems are small and First World Issues. I just wanted to say thank you to Dawn and Brad for teaching me the basics I really needed to just write books. I'm working to advance my knowledge, because change is inevitable. 

Seriously, thank you. 

Bailey's Books and Cool news

 I recently wrote a blog about what's new in my my life. I managed to forget an extremely important element. I don't know why. Maybe I got so wound up my memory burst. 

I met Lisa Bailey at Sherlock Holmes, a pub in West Edmonton Mall. I was a prep cook/ dishwasher and she was a server. We got along well, and bonded over our love for our cats and books. She's a smart, beautiful, and genuine person with many talents.

Years passed, and Sherlock Holmes is no longer. Lisa now owns a bookstore in St. Albert, Alberta, (29b Rowland crescent) and she approached me on Facebook. She remembered that I was a writer and she would love to support me and my work. She wants to support local authors such as myself. 

Of course I'm grateful and delighted. But life was crazy and it didn't happen right away. My fault. I required a navigator, even just to get to the store. Lucky me, my bestie used to live in St. Albert. 

If you've never been to Bailey's Books, it's a delight. It's a book lover's dream. It is exactly the kind of bookstore you imagine in other books! 

It's wall to wall titles as you can well imagine. Tomes of age and importance, antiques, rarities and books you just want to own...comfy chairs and an impressive variety of bookends to purchase, everything. There's also a precious chihuahua named Parsley to visit there. She's a sweetheart! 

 If you LOVE books, you owe it to yourself to visit. You'll be back. 

Currently, 'Chasing Monsters' and 'Elaina's Fate' are available, with more titles soon to come. I've signed each copy as well with my uniquely atrocious handwriting and signature. 

Here's the best part--There's a loft with plenty of space and chairs for an event in the Fall! I'm going to get my first Author event! 

There are few details at this time, but Lisa and her father (He's awesome.) are willing to host and I think my bestie Melaida is even more excited about it than I am. I'm happy and scared. What do I do? Auughhh! I have to order more books! 

I don't know exactly when it's going to happen, but it will. I'm looking forward to meeting people and talking shop. Don't worry, I WILL post the details when I get them. 

In the meantime, I'll keep working and writing. I should mention that 'Bad Clown', my supposed 'short story' is about 35,000 words. I love it so much and I truly feel it will be the jewel of my short story collection. Wish me luck! 

In the meantime, check out Bailey's Books. I promise you'll love it. 

Update and Excerpt

     

     Hi! Long time no see! Don't worry no one died.  This won't be another death blog. 

     Now that things are leveling out, I thought I'd let my readers know I'm still here and I'm still working on my writing. 

     A lot changed after Mom passed. We moved my sister Jody here to the house, and it went well. She's getting her entire damage deposit back. How often does that happen? I'm also pretty pleased with UHaul for making the rental process easy and affordable. 

How's it working out? Quite well, actually. Jody is an excellent roommate. She's quiet and considerate. She's vegan and she doesn't drink or smoke. Therefore, she doesn't eat our food, drink our booze or bum smokes. Grendel has taken a shine to her and sleeps on her bed a lot. 

     Shout out to my husband Dan for driving the truck and all his help. Shout out to my bestie Melaida for helping us move. Since we managed to give away so much of Jody's furniture beforehand, almost everything fit and the rest of the boxes were deliverable in the Mazda in a few short trips. I'm so glad it's over. 

     We got Amir fixed finally. That went reasonably well also. Shout out to Mayfield Animal Hospital and Dr. Rebecca Alexander. Now Amir is a homebody that actually prefers to stay indoors, much to my immense relief. He's an absolute sweetie who stays close to Mommy and I love it. 

     NOW, I can concentrate on work and writing. More accurately, editing. I'm working on my final edit for 'Her True Name: Volume Three' and a short story named  'Bad Clown'. 

     The problem with HTN3 is that I got to Chapter Twelve when I realized that Druhi is younger than I made her out to be, and her backstory is more severe than it should be. I need to go back to the beginning and change a few things. No worries. While I'm there, I will make sure Eshma's story flows and see if her character needs more filling out. Eshma is a goat by the way. Her character arc filled out better than I hoped and the previous chapters need to reflect that.

     Bad Clown is half way done. The first half is great, but the second half needs more. I introduced two characters in the first half, but lost them in the second. Fixing that problem actually made it worse and I can see how I simply added superfluous lines that didn't work out. Bad Clown himself needs fine tuning. I think he's scary now, but is he scary enough? Details, details. 

But like I said, I'm pleased with how Bad Clown starts off, so I thought I'd give you a little taste. I hope you are intrigued.


BAD CLOWN

We were asleep when they banged on our door. Must have been two in the morning. Sleep had been hard to come by with the unseasonable heat, and I was pissed.
“Open up!” What the Hell? Why are they bothering us? We didn’t do anything.
Duncan throws his housecoat on, snarling about the intrusion, while I check the windows. Orange lights illuminate the neighborhood from seven black vans. Aren’t police vans black and white? Aren’t they marked with the word POLICE? Who are these assholes? Why are their lights orange? These aren’t cops.
My husband fights at the door, but three men in gray uniforms wrestle him into submission.
“Wait! Where are you taking him? What has he done? Dammit, Grendel! Freya, come back!!” Both cats run out the door in a black and white blur. “What’s going on? Where the Hell are you taking him?” I reach for Duncan, but more officers yank my arms and pin them behind me.
“What is this? What’s going on?” No one answers me.
I need a lawyer. I need my cell phone. I’m wearing nothing but a nightshirt. My phone is charging on my desk. They left my door wide open.
Abigail! My next door neighbor must be seeing this. She’ll take care of the house and the cats. Maybe she can help.
New screams hit my ears. They’re dumping Abigail into another van.
“What have you done with Duncan and Abigail? Where are you taking us?” I stomp on toes and struggle hard.
“Put the bitch out.” There’s a pinch in my neck before I lose consciousness.

Hurray for Fall!

 

I love September. I love summer and fall, but September is the best of both worlds.

It's still warm, but not too much so. There's more yardwork to do, but because it's cooler, it's easier to do. Don't get me wrong, I love yardwork, but those plus 30 Celsius temperatures can really sap a person's energy. It's time to harvest and reap the rewards of all that spring and summer work. 

I've stopped raking my yard in the fall. Or at least I don't rake too much of them. Someone pointed out how a yard full of leaves is bad for your grass and attracts pests and snow mold. It's true, but I'm not talking about that kind of thing. Mine never gets that bad. 

My neighbor across the street gets the carpet of leaves. They're the people who clear my sidewalks and driveway in the winter. So I rake their tiny lawn clean and put the leaves in my compost. Win/win, and it's the least we can do for them.  

I do my fall cleaning. Like I said, it's a lot cooler outside, but I can still keep my windows open to air things out. Perfect.

Then there's the harvesting and canning. I've already done a batch of canned tomatos and a batch of freezer pickles. The pears are plump this year, and that means I'll spend my evenings making pear bread. It's also a lot of work, but the results are so rewarding. When last I visited my friend Tracey, his mom gave me QUALITY vanilla--the kind you get from Mexico--and I'm excited to try it out. 

Melaida's new business is off to a good start. She'd given me a stack of flyers to put out when she started the business, and today I got them all out. She's got new ones coming soon, and I've already figured out new neighborhoods to hand them out. There's entire blocks in my own region I haven't even been to, not even in my garage sale days. I'm finding that those long walks around the neighborhoods are a lot more pleasant this month.

I'm excited and proud of her, but I just realized I haven't done anything to promote my own work lately. I was thinking I should publish an excerpt of Chasing Monsters for Halloween. Then later, one for Elaina's Fate. maybe a contest. With all the aggravation that went into publishing Elaina's Fate, and the length of time it took to finish it, I stepped back from it, and never really came back. I didn't even hold a contest for it. 

I intend to fix that...soon. There's still a lot going on. I finished the first draft for HER TRUE NAME: VOLUME THREE, but I'm taking a short break on that before I edit. I'll start in October. There's also the anthology that has new stories to add, and truthfully, I need to get all of it organized. At least get all the stories on a single USB key. ( Yeep!) I finished a short story named 'Bad Clown'but it needs work. 

I've got a new short called 'Darkness Encroaches' but I don't like the title. Yet another piece that needs a lot of work.  

I've started work on a eulogy for a friend that has signed up for the MAID program, but that's the only new thing right now, and as you can imagine, it's not fun. 

So, yeah...I'm still hard at work. You can probably expect something new from me next year. Hopefully. We'll see. At least two new books are on their way. 

What Does it Take?

 

This post is inspired by a conversation I had with David Fingerman about critique groups and learning to write. 

It made me think about my first and only critique group and what an amateur I was when I started. 

I was one of those people that believed that simply because I did exceptionally well in English class that I could be a writer. 

God, was I wrong. It's not that simple. 

When I joined my critique group,  I was unpublished and probably the only one without any formal education in creative writing. I hadn't even attended a single seminar or convention. 
It was a group of four and the rules were that we meet once a week with new chapters each time. 

My first meeting went well. They were awesome and nice....except they were brutally honest to the point that my chapters were eclipsed with red ink. I expected honesty, and I they buried me. 

That was okay. I asked for guidance, and I received it. I didn't want to be a good writer, I wanted to be GREAT. I tucked my ego away and absorbed what felt like punishment. I wanted to be taken seriously. 

That meant absorbing the critique, taking notes and fixing my chapters according to direction. When we met every week, I had a new chapter to show as well as the previous one with all the corrections. That is how I learned how to write properly. That is how I earned the respect of my critique group. 

I learned, many months later, that the other three members considered tossing me out after the first meeting. I was too raw, I was such an amateur. I had no idea what I was doing. 

It's true, I didn't know what I was doing. But they decided I was teachable. I had 'Belly Fire' as they called it. They decided I really wanted it. And they went at me harder. 

I'm so grateful for it. I'm not the best writer out there, but I strive for it every time. There's always something to learn, and you have no idea how I agonize over simple sentences. Sometimes even here on this blog. 

I have friends who have started writing. They ask what I think, and I tell them I will be brutally honest. I tell them that if they want to publish, there are other things they'll have to do....like creating a social media platform. Like going to conventions, like taking honest criticisms. Things that are not fun and dull things involved with publishing. 

 I've given honest criticism when someone asks me to look at their work. I think they feel it was too much. I can't really speak for other writers, but I feel that if you've asked, and I've agreed, I have your best interests at heart. I'm not being mean. I'm not being passive-aggressive. I'm not jealous of you. I'm trying to help, because if my critique group hadn't helped me, I wouldn't have published my sixth novel. 

Well, I'm self-published, so it's an odd flex, but I'm proud of my work and how far I've come. I don't suck, and I'll keep trying to get better. 

ANNOUNCEMENT: So happy to tell you.

 

I have some great news about publishing ELAINA'S FATE. Who would have thought, eh? I feel a lot better about publishing right now, and I credit Heather Savage and Draft2Digital. 

As you know, I've been having issues publishing ELAINA'S FATE through Amazon and KDP. I tried a few times to figure out why I can't see the paperback, even though KDP insists that it's out there. I believe it has something to do with formats not matching up between the ebook and the paperback. The thing is, between myself, Emma and Heather we jumped through a lot of hoops trying to meet KDP's standards. It still didn't work. 

Heather INSISTED I try Draft2Digital. I promised I would look into it in January. Today I made good on that promise. She was absolutely right. 

I can't believe how easy it was to use. I did the whole thing in 45 minutes, maybe less. It is truly user-friendly. A Facebook friend and writer named Victoria Ryan Meadow told me they do print books too, and she's correct, I saw it. I haven't made a decision yet, but I might just print through them as well. 

I know it's my first time with them, but it already feels like I should move all my books there. The only thing stopping me is how I handle the ISBNs. I need to think it through when I'm not so excitable. 

This is how self-publishing should be. Not only was it easy, but they're only taking ten percent of the sales. I'm gobsmacked. 

I am pleased to tell you ELAINA'S FATE the ebook is now available at: 

Barnes & Noble, Apple Books, Vivlio, Rakuten Kobo, Tolino and Borrow Box. 

I know there are people who prefer paperbacks, I get it. It's always nice to see them on a shelf, and I was worried that my work would never been seen on bookshelves again. I'm going to make the paperback happen. I spent too much time ( so did Emma and Heather) and money to just surrender to technology that I don't understand. Honestly, I love the feel of one of my novels in my hands, I love the look. 

I hope this brings my work to new people who might not have had access to my books before. I know there are people who don't want to use Amazon for their reading entertainment, and I don't blame them. Jeff Bezos doesn't need more money and he needs to treat his workers better, right? I would much rather work with Draft2Digital. 

In case you're interested, ELAINA'S FATE  is priced at $3.99 USD. I intend to get on the paperback issues a lot faster now, especially now that I know it can be so much simpler. 

Wish me luck!

THANKS!

 

No really, thanks so much. Obviously, from the last post, I didn't publish on November 19th. More like November 30th, and the paperback still isn't properly on line. According to Amazon, the paperback is available. Yet no one can find it, not even me. 

There appears to be a problem with keywords. Somehow they don't work with the system. I've gone in and changed a few things and re-published. I'm trying to be optimistic, but...I'll keep trying until it works. I've spent too much time and money trying to make this work, I can't just give up. 

I'd like to say thanks to friends on Facebook. I ordered paperback copies of ELAINA'S FATE, so I know they're definitely done,(They're gorgeous, thanks Emma!)  and I posted them on my personal Facebook and my Author page. Not much on the Author page, but my personal Facebook got 99 reactions. Wow! Thanks! There were a lot of comments congratulating me too. It feels pretty awesome, and I needed that, THANKS! 

David did an awesome job, but I'm glad he missed the agony of publishing. He's still been a good sounding board. Some of it was my fault, like the wrong format size. Oops and Ouch. But a lot of it was, and still is, the fickle nature of KDP. I'm worried that Emma and Heather won't want to work with me again. This whole thing took up way too much of their time and I feel shitty about it.

Which brings me to this...I'm reconsidering my publishing options. That might mean no more paperbacks. (But never say never.) It can also mean looking for an actual publisher.

Heather suggested Draft2Digital, and I'm definitely going to try that. But not until January. I'm too busy, and I don't have the spoons. The original plan was to publish in time for Christmas so people could order Elaina's Fate for Christmas. Well, we're beyond that now, aren't we? Now the plan is just to make it available to anyone on any e-book site, without using Amazon. Not just for my issues with publishing, but for moral reasons as well. 

I have a lot to think about, a lot to absorb. I can't do that a week before Christmas while I'm working retail. Insert Canadian apology here.  Yeah, I'm seriously sorry.

I hate publishing, it's true. But I LOVE writing. When I feel like giving up, my husband offers these words. "Don't deprive the world of your art." It always works.  Makes my heart sing that he believes like that. 

So somewhere there must be a happy medium, a solution. Not everyone reads paperbacks, and not everyone wants to buy a Kindle or a Nook. I need to figure something else out. 

I'm on it in January! Wish me luck. 

Dear K

 

Dear K,

You asked me for a blog, since I haven’t written one in a long time. The truth is, I haven’t found a suitable subject. I wanted to write about the things I’ve been doing this year in the pandemic, how I’m grateful to be working, grateful to have my husband working from home, grateful for a mild winter, and happy to have Grendel in my life. 

But 2020 has been a shitty year for so many worldwide, I don’t want to sound glib or insensitive, especially since death has touched everyone, including me.  I thought maybe, if I write it as a letter to a good friend, it won’t sound that way, and you are often a favorite muse for ‘Earth to Thoeba.’

Being isolated didn’t affect our lives as badly. Dan adjusted to working at home, and I’m sure he prefers it. He makes jokes about ‘the commute’, which means shutting his computer off, walking across the living room, and pouring himself another coffee. For him, this is a kind of relief. He prefers not to leave the house if he doesn't have to.

I continued to work, but the hours weren’t crazy. I looked forward to more writing time. That didn’t happen as well as I hoped. I found myself engaging in non-writing projects. I did my usual spring cleaning, yard work and gardening, and later fall-cleaning. In between, I painted a few kitchen areas in a beautiful color named ‘Enchanted Flute.’ It’s a muted blue-grey that magically works with everything around it. It took longer than anticipated. First I had to remove the wallpaper. (You were right. Fabric softener helped) That is when I learned that the previous owners of this house used wallpaper to cover about a thousand holes and badly placed nails and screws. We decided that they did what they could—Google wasn’t around back then to look up How-To home repairs. That’s how I learned how to re-caulk the tub this year too, as well as patching way too many holes.

Oh! And I made both Dandelion and Pear Wine from scratch. Can’t taste any of it until March.

Grendel was an unexpected and delightful bonus, especially after losing Spartacus Jones. (After ten months, I still ache for him, and I’m crying as I write. I loved that boy more than anyone or anything.) It began with Dan leaving wet cat food leftovers outside for birds, stray cats...anything that needed the food. If Freya wouldn’t eat it, why waste it? (By the way, Freya is as perfect as ever. Even my Mom adores her. She’s ten years old now, and still a sweetie.) We noticed it was always a black cat that came after dusk for it. He began to come earlier and earlier until one day he showed up at the door to ask for it.  We let him inside, and he’s been coming in ever since.

He hasn’t chosen us—not really. As I type this, he’s been sleeping in the basement for six hours. Sooner or later, he’ll come upstairs and howl to be let out. Dan reminds me that he’s feral and he’s not our prisoner, so we let him out. We want to get him fixed, but he stresses out when we try to keep him in, and he’s always so hungry, we don’t dare starve him for 12 hours to get it done, not right now. We’ve brought him to the vet. Vet says he’s ‘fighting fit’., and she’s right. He’s a muscular, scabby little guy, and he’s finally gaining some weight on his skinny butt. He’s about two years old, and I want to get his hearing checked. Maybe he’s just fearless, and doesn’t respond to loud sounds. Hmm.

This is another reason why I’m grateful for such a mild winter. Not just because I hate being cold. I can’t bear the thought of him being out there and not being able to find shelter. I find it funny how I can sleep like the dead, but still hear him meow at the door and wake to let him in. But what if he comes when I’m at work on graveyards? Dan doesn’t hear him as well as I do. We’ve been so lucky this winter. The temperature hasn’t gone below -10 Celsius. (14 Fahrenheit)

In October we lost my friend T, who is our friend A’s mother, to a heart attack. I was sitting here at my desk when 911 came. She lived across the street from me, and I stared out the window and counted family members, sent A a text...You know it’s bad when the ambulance arrives and the paramedics aren’t in any hurry.

I miss her voice and her boisterous cackle. I miss the way she called me ‘Doh-nah’. I’m really going to miss her rice pudding and her curried chicken livers that she made just for me because those were the bomb! I never did get the recipe, and mine just aren’t as good. T was a social animal and a giver. I made more friends through her.

On the day of T’s funeral—Halloween-- an ambulance arrived next door. Everyone watched as they took J away, and days later, we learned that she’d lost her long battle with cancer. J was just such a lovely person, and she fought hard against cancer, for over a decade. The last time I spoke to her and her husband it was in March, and we raised our voices from way across the sidewalk as to not get too close. She had given up on chemo, didn’t have the strength for it anymore, and was trying something else I can’t remember now. I can’t pretend that I knew her well, but I genuinely liked her. Such a good person with such strength and character, and I’d been hoping to see her more often after the pandemic was over.

 

Days ago, we lost TC. I met him through friends and he was awesome. He was a member of Mensa Canada, but so down to earth. He had a horrific car accident eight years ago that left him with a brain injury that confined him to hospital. I should have visited more, but I was afraid he wouldn’t remember me. He did, but I still didn’t visit more. No time, no energy, excuses. I should have, but I didn’t expect him to leave. His system gave out, and I should have expected that would happen eventually. That feels pretty shitty. Everyone feels that death. I wish I had better words. 

I’m still writing and editing. ‘Elaina’s Fate’ is actually in the second edit, but it requires so much work. There were so many missing details and wonky ones. I had to re-write several passages and erase and re-vamp entire pages. It’s okay. It’s going to be a much better book. I’m still writing ‘Her True Name: Volume Three', but I need to do a bit more research. T was going to help with that, but she’s gone. I will research the Hindi gods I need on my own. I’m going to dedicate it to her when I’m finished. I just wish she’d be here to read it.

It’s been a strange year. I wasn’t sure what to write, what to blog. I'm crying for all the loss. Sometimes I can't keep track of all the battles. There's no many reasons to be angry and so many causes to fight for. I'm hoping that when Trump is FINALLY out of office, things will work better.  It was never just feminism, I know, I've always known--but I've had to check my privilege.  It was hard, and it has to continue being hard. Otherwise, how else am I going to learn? This year has been so enlightening in scary ways.

I think of you too, more than you know. We may have met on Farmville, but I consider you a close friend. Haven’t we shared so much? And not just recipes for Beef Stroganoff.

I may have had a better 2020 than most, but it doesn’t mean I don’t think of you, and of the people I lost. I know so many people out there are having the worst year of their lives, and I feel somewhat guilty for my good fortune. So this is my new blog post, written for you my cherished friend. Drop me a note soon, and let me know how you’re doing <3. I love you. Please take care of yourself.

 

Happy New Year 2020

I have to admit...2019 was actually pretty good to me.

I brought my Mom and sister home to Edmonton, got a new job, great little paid-for SUV, and we paid off our house.

I even got to spend Christmas with both my Mom and sister for the first time in eleven years.

The only thing that didn't work out was writing.

That is something I intend to fix in 2020. Not just because I have work to publish, but because I want that part of my life back. 2019 was kinda crazy, but certain stressors have been erased now, because of everything this past year. There should be more time to embrace and take joy in writing once again.

You know what else I resolve to do in 2020? I'm going to read those books Dad left me on basic home maintenance. Now that the house is paid off, wouldn't it be cool to be able to fix my own plumbing? Install my own floor maybe? At the very least, it should help me know what needs to be done around here, and maybe we can either DIY or get it done without getting ripped off. Maybe we can figure out the problem and repair it before costs get unmanageable.

I resolve to be gentler with myself. Now that I make my own hours, I don't have to push myself as hard. I don't have to get all the jobs done in one day. A little at a time will do. I have a new plan of action. A little bit of work/exercise a day will leave a little energy for other things too. No more work till I drop with major crash afterwards.

I am also going to eat more vegetables. I mean it this time. There has to be a way of making them satisfying and filling. Damn it, I just made myself hungry and all I want is more garlic sausage.

What about you? What are your resolutions? Do you make any? How was 2019 to you?

Strange Days.

What a chaotic year it's been! I'm full of gratitude for it though. Sometimes I've been sad and depressed, but looking back, I've been fortunate.

I got a new job in March. It's got the usual stresses, but there's so many cool things about it. I'm never running late, because I make my own hours. I decide how many hours I work in a day. Some jobs are easier than others, but the more I work at it, the better I understand it, and the better I get at it. (Shout out to Colleen, Marie and Tracy. Heartfelt thanks for your help.) I'm making a decent wage. It beats kitchen work all to Hell, and not just because I can take a break when I need to. I can stop and think, and I can just take a day off when I need one.

Like when my Uncle Duane and I talked my mother into finally moving to Edmonton. We finally got her to agree, and I was tasked with finding her and my sister an apartment. I grabbed a free periodical and found the perfect place in three days. They love it! I'm still patting myself on the back about it.

May came on like a race. Myself, Duane and other family mobilized to move Mom and Jody, and while we did so, Mom signed the paperwork to sell her house. It happened that fast!  I didn't need to beg for days off, because I make my own hours!!

Summer came and went with the warped speed of Canadian weather. That's no typo, the weather here is warped. It rained too much to get a good garden, which is something else I struggled to keep up with, as I got the west end territory for my job. BLISS! I only have to drive five minutes on a good day to get to work, twelve maximum. It's more intense, and more hours, but that means more money.

In September, Mom decided I needed a new used vehicle, because having just our rickety old Dakota for my job wasn't going to cut it. I CAVED. I let her give me the money to buy my SUV. My friend and neighbor named it 'Sophie'. She has personality glitches I've learned to deal with. When I have more time, I'll deal with those, but in the meantime, I love her. We own her free and clear. Shout out to my husband Dan, who talked me into said SUV. After all, if Mom is paying for the vehicle, shouldn't it work for her too? Dad would have been proud.

Then winter came, and with it, a notice from the bank. Would we like to pay our mortgage off? What?! We can just DO that? I had been tracking our mortgage through my phone, and I expected to be finished in the spring, but we can do it now? No penalty?

We went in, wrote a check, and it was done in twenty minutes. Shout out to Scotiabank for making this easy from beginning to end. Shout out to Tracey Morgan who approved us fifteen years ago, and approved us for fifty thousand more than we asked for because she said that people without debts like us would not be happy with a home in the price range we asked for. (We had no idea how much houses cost.)

We are going into 2020 without any debts at all, and in a time and recession like this, I can't tell you how happy I am that we will not have any mortgage payments. I know just how lucky we are, and that we made all the right decisions. Not everyone has that privilege, and I feel strangely arrogant right now, but...

Cherry on top? A friend of mine has a kidney, just in time. It means someone else lost someone before Christmas, but I am eternally grateful for their organ donation. My friend really needed it. She has a huge family and many friends who got another Christmas with 'M', and more time. Yes, I am an organ donor. If something happened to me tomorrow, I'd like to give someone else such a gift.

Where Is my writing is all of this? Hopefully more so in the new year. I'm in a calmer place now that the house is paid off. I no longer feel like I'm in such a rush. Our shelter belongs to us, and everything else, I can work with. Maybe that's all I needed. I'm optimistic, about everything.

I wish, for you and yours, the same kind of confidence I feel now. Please, have a Happy New Year.

The Goth Returns

The red with the black tips.

I'm catching up with Melaida and Rita. Twenty years have passed since high school, but it's so good to have them close, just so we can lunch together and bounce ideas around. New jobs, new renovations, but for me? I need new inspiration.

"I'm in a rut." I tell them. I haven't written, edited or even opened one of my files in a few weeks. Why?

Is it because I'm tired? Been off for three weeks. Is it because I'm still grieving? No. My heart has settled, and I'm dealing. Is it because it's January, and everything is cold, dark and dreary? Maybe. Everyone around me feels that too.

My birthday is around the corner, and there's a new meme circulating on Facebook. It wants to know how we AGED.

Oh dear God, if you follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Linked In or Instagram you may have noticed that there aren't many pictures of me. I don't like how I look. I have an oval shaped head. I have acne in my wrinkles and Rosacea on my acne scars. My dislike of sitting in a hairdressers chair means I frequently need a haircut. And I'm bored with blonde, I only keep it now because it's easy--

"You're bored with blonde?" Rita asks. "Do you have a different color in mind? What did you feel confident in?" We talked about the red. We talked about the red,black and blonde and how hard it was to maintain. We talked about the red with the black tips.

Remember the eighties? All those wild hair colors? I remember wishing I could wear them, but I was too young then and I wasn't really allowed. And I wished I could do that now.

"Why not?" Rita asks. BECAUSE, I tell her. I'm almost 47 years old. It's going to look stupid. When I was seventeen, I saw a thirty-something soccer mom in a Metallica T-Shirt, and it insulted my eyes. I knew her too....No way that women owned a Metallica album.
     "People like you can still pull that off." Melaida says. "Some people still have that spirit with them, and it doesn't look silly."

I thought of an old friend of my husband's, who envied my metal shirts. "Why don't you wear them?" He asked. I felt like I was too old for them, I explained. I was afraid of looking like I didn't belong in them. "But you do." He said, "Those are your bands. That's part of who you are."

The more thought I give to all this, the more I became convinced that I am denying my true self. I'm in a rut, because the real me has to bust out. So here's what I did...

Holy shit...I feel pretty!

You know what? It's exactly what I needed. I needed the bright hair and the shouty black lipstick. I realize now, I'm not comfortable with looking normal. It makes me feel frumpy. I don't see me applying for jobs or hanging in pubs looking like this, but it feels good. Yeah, I've grown older, but who says I have to feel or look old?

I can honestly tell you that this is the very first time since I had my photo taken professionally that I've liked a picture of myself. Oh, it feels AWESOME! I feel like I can conquer those worlds I love to blurt through my fingers. I'm excited to be myself again.

If you'll excuse me, my blue hair and I have some snarling, sassy bitches to create.

Her True Name: Emma's Interview!

This is part three of my contest. This is also a blog I'd like to see shared and tagged. Why? Because this is EMMA! This is the brilliant imagination behind the cover of Her True Name: Volume Two. So please share and tag. Each share counts as an entry, and I need you to tag me so you can be counted for each one.

Emma and I met through our mutual former publisher, Staccato Publishing with Heather Savage.  I have also participated in her Sophie Lancaster Project,  Dare to Shine. 

As always, she's awesome to work with--Total Sweetie. I finally got around to sending Emma some interview questions. Thank you Emma Hibbs, for the glorious cover, and for taking the time to tell us about yourself.

Emma please list your many and various creative outlets.

I first entered the indie publishing scene in 2012 as a YA fantasy author, and to date I’ve released 6 fiction titles and contributed to 3 charity anthologies, with one of my short stories being featured in the British Fantasy Society Journal. But it wasn’t long before I also branched out into my other lifelong love: art. Most of my work in that respect comes from creating book covers and graphics for my fellow authors, but I work in several other mediums too, including graphite, acrylic on canvas, pyrography, and scherenschnitte (German-style silhouette papercutting). As well as all that, I host a YouTube channel focused on helping my fellow writers and uncovering the real-world origins of fairy tales and folklore. So it’s never a dull day in my house!

Tell us where you're from, where you live now, and the interesting way you spend your winters. 

I was born and still live in Cheshire in North West England, close to the Welsh border. It’s a place of ancient Roman fortresses, steeped in Lewis Carroll lore and award-winning ice cream (believe me, it’s delicious!). But every winter I leave it all behind and move into a log cabin in the middle of the Finnish Arctic. I spend my days telling stories and my nights under the stars and northern lights. I’ve called Finland my second home for four years now and winter is a time of year I always look forward to.

What inspires you? 

Anything and everything! I find that specific themes tend to come out in certain creative outlets – acrylic painting is a way for me to express my love of nature and landscapes, while my papercutting focuses more on Victorian-style fantasy illustrations. But I always find myself coming back to inspirations like dreams, songs, folklore from around the world, philosophy, my own experiences… I suppose I like to capture all the ways I see life and beauty, and explore them in new ways – perhaps even with a message behind it if you care to look for that.

What were your processes for this particular book cover? 
As an author myself I understand how important it is to have an eye-catching cover, but also how it should be a true reflection of what the book is about, so I always try to involve the author in the creative process. I started off getting as much information as I could about the story and themes, and that gave me an idea of colour palettes and designs. I went hunting for some resources – all of which I passed by Donna, and we eventually found ones we both liked but which needed a little work to match the vision of the book. After several hours of digital painting and lighting effects, we ended up with the finished cover. It was an absolute joy to work on.

What in the future for you?
I’m currently on the hunt for a literary agent so I can take my stories to the next level, but in the meantime I’m contributing to a new fairy-themed charity anthology due to be released next year through Dreampunk Press. I also have plans to continue working as an artist and graphic designer, and do some travelling around Europe if I can manage it!

Where can people find you and your work? 
The wild Emma is usually found on Facebook (www.facebook.com/echibbs), in the Batty Brigade Facebook Group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/396619150736890/?ref=br_rs), and on YouTube (www.youtube.com/echibbs), but I also hang around Twitter (www.twitter.com/echibbs) and Instagram (www.instagram.com/e_c_hibbs) on occasion. You can also find everything about me and my creations by stepping through the Violet Door (www.echibbs.weebly.com).

Pears are Great

I LOVE Fall. I love the cloudy skies and cool temperatures. I love the colors of the leaves and the CRUNCH they make under my feet. I even love the yard work and the wall washing, because those are nice little workouts with the instant result of tidiness and cleanliness. I love harvesting and canning my own home grown foods the most, and a big part of that is canning and processing pears.

It's not really my pear tree....It actually sits in my neighbor's yard. My sweet, easy to get along with and very busy neighbor Ashley. Ashley doesn't have time for canning and is NOT a fan of picking fruit off her lawn. So she gave me her pear tree.

This year's harvest was good, but not even a quarter of what it was last year, so I have to be very choosy about which recipes I use. I've decided to share them here...And I'm including a picture of my new book cover and a link to my page, so sharing this blog will be counted as an entry to my month long contest as well. Advertising...

Donna Milward Books


There. That's done. (Note: Current copies are oversized. Do not purchase if you are looking to buy Paperback size.)

My first recipe that I tried is definitely a favorite--not just to me but to my friends and family. It's a pear liqueur, and I like to put it in pretty little bottles and give it as gifts. DIY Pear Liqueur Last year I ran out of vanilla beans, so I used cinnamon sticks instead. That was delicious as well.

This one is my husband's favorite. That man loves ginger. I hate it. More for him. A few years back, my former boss Nevin Fiske from Drift Food Truck fame showed me how to peel real ginger with the edge of a spoon, thus making my canning life a little easier. Dan has been getting double ginger in these preserves ever since. This recipe is found on page 69 of the Bernardin Complete Book of Home Preserving, but I've typed it up for you.

Ginger Pear Preserves (Makes about seven 250-ml jars.)

5 ½ cups finely chopped cored peeled pears
Grated zest and juice of 3 limes
2 1/3 cups of sugar
1 Tblsp. grated gingerroot

1. Prepare canner, jars and lids.
2. In a large stainless steel saucepan, combine pears, lime zest and juice, sugar and gingerroot. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring to dissolve sugar. Boil, stirring frequently, until mixture thickens—about fifteen minutes. Remove from heat and test gel. If gel stage has been reached, skim off foam.
3. Ladle hot preserves into hot jars, leaving 0.5 cm headspace. Remove air bubbles and adjust headspace, if necessary, by adding hot preserves. Wipe rim. Center lid on jar. Screw band down until resistance is met, then increase to finger-tight.
4. Place jars in canner, ensuring that they are completely covered in water. Bring to a boil and process for 10 minutes. Remove canner lid. Wait 5 minutes, then remove jars, cool and store.
          

Last year I got buried in pears. I was literally giving boxes of them away, and I STILL had to plow through six weeks of canning every single day. This is the recipe that saved my sanity as well as HOURS of work. Easy Canned Pears (no sugar) I especially liked the fact that no sugar was involved, because my diabetic mother loves canned pears. And I love Pinterest, which is where this recipe came from.

And finally, MY favorite. Pear Bread <3 This is a perfect snack or maybe for breakfast. It's not too sweet, and pretty easy to make.Favorite Pear Bread

Anyway, hope you enjoy. Officially speaking, I have two more blogs to go before the contest is over, but I wanted to switch it up. Next blog is tomorrow, where I will share an excerpt from Her True Name: Volume Two.

COVER REVEAL!

Here it is! The cover for my new novella! This is the continuation for Her True Name: Volume One. Introducing...Her True Name: Volume Two! The woman responsible for this epic artwork is my friend, Emma Hibbs. The character on this cover is Freya, who plays a a huge role in this book.

Note how the goddess Freya is white haired with extremely light blue eyes. That's because I modelled her after my beloved cat.  THIS Freya...

See the resemblance? 

As you can see, we went in a different direction with this cover. It's a little brighter than the others. I told Emma I envisioned tall trees in green, maybe some sunlight peeking through. She gave me ethereal forests, as I suspected she would, and let me choose my favorite. The cool thing about self-publishing and working with a cover artist like Emma is getting to choose pretty much everything you want for a cover, from the font to the model on it. I chose the model, and Emma changed her hair and eyes to match my vision. She put it all together and made it work.Emma, or E.C. Hibbs as she's sometimes known, was fantastic to work with, as always, and I look forward to our next cover for this series. And I finally got around to a quick interview. More on that later.
Here is the back blurb: 


Her True Name is an open-ended series about the human incarnations of Sage and Virtus,

 two angels finding their way through the Earthly realm. Each book can be read alone, or 

consecutively. The gods are often against them, but The Energy will make certain that they 

will always be together, somehow.

                                                          VOLUME TWO


Three naked travellers arrive at a village in ancient Sweden. They learn the language, and possess talents as unusual as themselves. Agneta is suspicious of them, until Freya soothes her with magicks and stories of a land Agneta has never seen, yet longs to experience...again. But the strangers bring betrayal and peril. Can the village trust these 

new gods? Or will it be the ruin of their peaceful way of life? 


Anyway, here's where I tell you about the contest. Her True Name: Volume Two is already available in paperback. I had planned for Halloween, but I was able to get things rolling faster than expected. I want LOTS of attention for it. I'm offering THREE sets of both volumes for the winners. That means three winners will receive THESE...

In paperback. They are on their way to my house as we speak. Here's the link if you want to go ahead and order: Her True Name: Volume Two

For the contest, all you need to do is share and tag.  SHARE this blog, and the next two that follow, (The interview with Emma will be in the third blog.) or anything else from my author page. And TAG me, so I can count your entries. The more shares, the more entries. The tags are important. I can't count your entries, if I don't see them.

Please post them on Facebook, Pinterest or Twitter. If you share them in another media site, please point it out to me so I can include them.

Thank you, and best of luck! I'm already excited to post the other blogs, and I'm excited to see who wins!

This contest is NOT connected to Facebook, Twitter or any other social media site in any way.

Doing Things Differently

What's the saying? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. Change is inevitable, time marches on with or without us, and progress is relative.

It's no secret--I hate marketing, and I suck at it. But I'm open to new ways, and new ideas. Or at least I like to think I am. I talk a lot about trying new things, but I rarely do. Sometimes I cringe at the options. Honestly, sometimes I don't know who to ask, or where to look. I'm hoping that too, will change soon. It's already starting in small ways.

Like how I began a series of novellas rather than full length novels. Novella number two is being processed and is coming soon. Or how about a collection of short stories? Also coming soon.

How about Boosting a Facebook post? Amazon ads and Bookbub ads? Actually, the Amazon ads didn't pull through...I believe it has to do with topless models on the book covers. But the Bookbub ones are going strong, and the Facebook boost introduced new people to my writing.

Cover by Terra Weston

I'm working with a different cover artists. Perhaps you've heard me mention her before....Emma Hibbs has done a great job of the cover for Her True Name: Volume II. We've gone a little brighter in color, and a bit of a different look. I can't wait for you all to see it.

I've recently put copies of Chasing Monsters in Audrey's, a local independently owned bookstore, and they're interested in the new upcoming novella. They've been a pleasure to work with, and I finally got to see my work in a real bookstore. (See above photo)

Whenever I feel worried and uncertain about my future as a successful writer, I am reminded of two things:

1. This is not a race. I'm not going to throw my hands up in defeat because I haven't hit the finish line yet.

2. Change is constant. What doesn't work now, might later, and vice versa. Things I hate to do now might be different years or even months from now. There will be new ways to promote, publish and advertise in the future, and I'll be there to try them and use them to my advantage.

Am I scared? You betcha, but I'm going to keep plodding along. Let's see what fresh hells the future brings, shall we?

My Next Step

Cover by Terra Weston

Tough blog to write! Maybe it's because I am publicly admitting a certain level of defeat. I have made a decision. I'm going to look for another publisher for my next two books. 

The truth is, I hate self-publishing and I never wanted it. People keep telling me "It's the way to go. The independance is great!" Not for me it isn't. I don't know what I'm doing. I had hoped I would eventually get the hang of it after a couple of years but I haven't.

"You have all the control." I don't WANT all the control! I just want to write books! I don't know anything about advertising or marketing, and I'm too shy and Canadian to push my product on people.  I hate jumping through links and grinding through procedures that will allow me to publish my work. I've discovered there are still limits. Especially if you don't know all the rules.

Oh, and did I mention that everything I learned about computers in high school is obsolete? I know I'm not alone in that regard, but unlike many of my other fellow authors, I cannot just jump in and learn. I was born without ANY actual patience, and would prefer to be shown how to do it. Preferably with alcohol or caffeine and a good friend beside me. And quickly please, I have things to do. With writers being solitary by nature makes this a rarity. Oh yeah....and I don't want to learn it. Just writing this paragraph makes me feel petulant, as though I am being childish and demanding, but it's true. I wish I didn't have to do any of it.

I have recently realized that I procrastinate on doing anything relating to self publishing, and I don't procrastinate on anything if I can help it. But these days, I can't get anything done. I had to analyze why I would aggravate myself by deliberately avoiding something. Why am I procrastinating when I would rather tackle the toughest parts first? Because when I log into Createspace, I am immediately irritated and snarling outloud. I can't focus and I can't breathe. I don't want to be there. So...this is what anxiety means.

I'm not saying that I won't be self-publishing anymore. In many cases, it's necessary. I think Her True Name: Volume Two will be a hard sell due to it's open-ended series status, it's novella size and its historical/reincarnation/romance/mythology based plots, but I have to try.

Found this meme on CJ Rutherford's page after I wrote the first draft of this blog.

This revelation came because I'm learning to slow down. Usually everything is a race with me. I'm always in such a hurry. It's as if I'm terrified that my time will run out before I'm finished what it is that I need to do in this life. I've figured out that if I DON'T slow down, my time might get shorter. I wanted to be a successful writer with at least a dozen titles and at least a few best sellers by now. I'm a bit behind schedule. When I realized that I hated self-publishing and I recognized the anxiety it gives me, I thought about just giving it all up. THEN I thought, "Why am I pushing myself to the point where I'd rather give up than pursue what I love?"

And this one a few hours later. Thanks creepy Facebook algorithms. 

So I'm going to give myself some space. At the end, I might be successful, I might not be. But it's not going to happen overnight. I have to stop living my life in fast-forward, and expecting to find a finish line with the next sunrise. Everything I do today, this blog, my books, my social media--is building a long career, not a one hit wonder. Just writing this out makes me feel better about the future. I'm glad I told you.

So, YES! I'm writing more books! I just might take a little longer to get them to you. Stick with me. I'll make it worth the wait. Wish me luck!