For the love of peanut butter

I love peanut butter...It's the first thing I ate when I got here. I love it's smooth creamy texture, its sweet and salty stickiness. How you can put it on anything-like bread, crackers, celery, marshmallows and cauliflower.

No, we didn't have peanut butter in Eden. We never thought of such a thing. Nor did we think about things like food preparation.  It was always warm, so we never needed fire. We didn't eat the animals so we never needed to cook.

We ate our fruits, vegetables and legumes raw, drank pure spring water....Hundreds of years of raw, boring same old food. How did I survive without Chinese noodles? Or Italian lasagna? Or Colombian coffee? Or baklava? I like baklava.

You humans are so lucky to have such a diverse menu! Every culture from all over the world has a different way of looking at it. I have to try it all! I work at it all day.

Which brings me to the extra padding...I SWEAR I thought I was evolving extra parts. Turns out my parts are just getting bigger.
One of my favorite humans brought me to the solution, which turns out to be 'Dance Class'....This activity involves jumping, clapping, stomping and much huffing and puffing.
It turns out you people never change. You claim to have outlawed torture. I think you just changed the name to 'exercise'. And you do it in voluntary groups. I can't believe you pay for this.
You people are sick.