Bad Dreams/New Year

I'm having a midlife crisis brought on by a bad dream.

I dreamed I was seventeen again, and back at my high school  locker. The locker between the Industrial Arts class and the Home Economics class. Mr. Chichak was still alive, but I never saw him.

There was a massive jukebox blocking the exit. I would go to that jukebox everyday, spending money on songs I liked even though I was wearing my Sony Walkman with my favorite Metal cassettes in my pockets. I approached it everyday, noticing that every week the songs changed until I didn't recognize anything in the selection. The titles became gibberish, and all that was left were guitar instrumentals on mix tapes.

That upset me, but I made a decision. I could learn to LIKE those songs. I could change my mind. Maybe....I could change who I was, adapt. Conform. Just a bit.

MAYBE I could suck things up and stay home. Maybe I could graduate. Maybe if I just kept quiet and sucked it up, I wouldn't have to work minimum wage jobs with maximum physical effort that caused me to drop weight at alarming speeds and force me to work even when pulled muscles and aching tendons screamed at me to rest.

Maybe I'd already be a successful writer with more than four titles. Maybe I'd be a BETTER writer. Maybe I'd be someone else, and just maybe....my father would still be alive. Or maybe it wouldn't have been such a vicious shock when he died. Maybe maybe maybe.

I cried for two days. I'd like to thank Colleen and my mother for making it stop, but it's still bugging me. Who would I have been?

Femmuse#1 And Deservedly So

I've saved the best for last. MALALA inspires me as no other woman in the world can.

What can you say about a fourteen year old who defies her government to exercise her right to an education? Though it almost cost her life? Her bravery and determination astound me.

I'll be the first to admit, when I was going to school it mattered...but not enough. I took it for granted. I was late, absent, and spent more time at work than school. I did try. But not hard enough.

Then came this small girl in a country where education for girls, among other human rights, is frowned upon. She not only overcame obstacles to GET to school, but she braved her society and made speeches about why it was the right of every female child to get schooling. She knew full well what the Taliban was, and that they would try to stop her. Did she know they would go to such extreme lengths?

I read the book 'I am Malala'. Here's the link to Amazon: I am Malala I learned how her government's politics worked, and how her father, a public speaker himself, not only created schools for girls, but encouraged his daughter to speak her mind. She became an orator as well.

I can't imagine what she felt when that man boarded her bus, and shot her in the head. Just because she wanted an education for herself and the girls of her country. Because the Taliban wants to treat their women like livestock. What kind of madness compels men to shoot children for wanting to better themselves?

She was rescued. Flown to England so that they could perform life-saving surgery on her. Why? Because the world NEEDS Malala. She was too valuable to the world to lose.

And what does she do once she recovers? Right back to school. Back to making speeches. Business as usual. Gobsmackery right there.

I read how she saw the clothes she was wearing when she got shot in a display case, and burst into tears. She was with the man who she shared the Nobel Peace Prize with. ( Also deserving of the Nobel Prize. I am ashamed to admit I didn't know of Kailash Satyarthi until I learned of Malala's sharing of it with him. Also an inspiring person.) I'm guessing the enormity of her mission, and its consequences finally hit her.

But she's a brave soul. I intend to keep up with her. She's only 18 now. She's already done all this, and she has her whole life ahead of her. Imagine what she'll do with it...

Malala-1, Taliban-0. Give 'em Hell, girl. This is why Malala is the number one Fem-Muse.

If You Can Read This--

I don't have any children, but I have a deep appreciation for this quote and for teachers. Maybe it's BECAUSE I don't have kids that I can stand on the outside and look in.

I see teachers like my friend Kevin <3 as unselfish people, motivated by the love of children and learning, and it's NOT a job I would ever want.

Actually...There was a time I wanted to be a teacher, specifically English or Language Arts. I thought sure, the money wouldn't be that great, but I'd spend my days teaching others about the beauty of reading and writing. I could teach them the importance of an idiolect and explain what it means to 'coin' a word. Plus I'd get my weekends and summers off. I could hand out cute little stickers for good work and change lives. That sounded pretty cool to me.

Then as I got older, I realized I didn't like children much. AND that I wasn't selfless enough. (I'm incredibly self-absorbed and was born without patience. I'm like Lumpy Space Princess.) 
I found out that teachers make next to nothing these days, especially in comparison to the ACTUAL hours they put in, and that they spend their own cash to dole out those cute little rewards, after they've spent their evenings correcting countless papers.

It occurred to me...Who in their right mind goes to university for four years to make a piddly wage that requires them to be a glorified babysitter five days a week? Keeping an eye on 30 kids at a time? They're also charged with educating these children on top of that. That's a heavy responsibility.

What if every teacher threw down their sharpies and pens and said "Screw this! I want to do something else for a living. I can make better money selling Mary Kay." Where would we be? Oh yeah...Home school. Not for the faint of heart, light of brain or the impatient.

I know some people who home school their kids, like my friend Natasja, and they're pretty good at it, but I don't think that's an option for everyone. Not everyone has the kindness, patience and perseverance Nat has.

Put it this way...Do you really want to spend all day with your kids? Every day? Trying to drum lessons they may not feel like learning into their inattentive minds? Yes? For how long?

I'm saying pay teachers more, and cut them a little slack. It's a thankless job, but someone in the village has to do it. Better them than you and me. We're not qualified.

Thank you , teachers. I will always appreciate the work you do.